Pushing for Dissolution

[BryanS]

Dom: That's a fair question and one I need to be able to answer. I think this is a little different because of the approach being offered here, that of SBT. We have done some counseling in the past but we've never stuck with it long enough for it to work (her and my fault). So, I think this is different for me because I want to do something about my character defects and I feel like I have found a tool to do that. In the past, I have been more focused on making her stay just to stay. Now, I'm more focused on becoming a more loving person which I believe will make her want to stay if she has time to see it.

I did make some specific promises in the past but I kept them or most of them. I'm sure she could provide an example where I didn't because I'm not an angel. I did not make promises to not see people or stop drinking or anything like that which I later welched on because those have not been our issues. I think where this is coming from for her, and only she could tell you for sure, is that we have both renewed a generalized commitment to change in the past without any real idea of how to do that. I'll be nicer to you, I'll work less, I'll be more affectionate, that kind of thing. These inevitably failed because neither of us fully understood what it was we're supposed to be doing. We didn't have a plan.

I'm not claiming to have suddenly acquired morals. I'm claiming to have suddenly acquired direction and purpose. I am not perfect nor will I ever be and I screwed up plenty along the way. Thing is, I didn't like screwing up, I didn't like what I was doing but I didn't know how to do it any better and so I got frustrated and stagnated. This, I think, is what she sees, me acting the same as I always have because I haven't, until now, been able to find a simple common sense approach to changing that behavior.

I appreciate your candor. In truth, I could see my wife writing many of these same thoughts down and so it's helpful to me to have to think about and address them.

If I'm missing the point or this sounds like complete BS, please tell me. I want to do this right and if I'm not on the right track, I'd like to know.