Well, our trip to the big island (Hawaii) was GREAT! We stayed at the military camp (KMC) inside Volcano National Park. We went non-stop! We hiked, etc. H went golfing one day, I thought it would be nice for him. H went hiking up the volcano to view the lava flow, the kids and I waited in the car, sat there for an hour, but we didn't really mind. It was about 8pm, kids slept in back seat, I sat and listened to the radio. We didn't go with him because when we got there we decided our older daughter probably wouldn't be able to hike in the dark (younger D would be in the back pack carrier).
So, the next day, we all hiked halfway up, H and the kids stopped and I went all the way to the lava flow, it was amazing. I was nervous about my asthma acting up, but I was fine.
We stayed in a little house. There was a jacuzzi (Spelling? I having a brain freeze today!), and H and I got in after the kids were in bed. Also, there was a fireplace, so after the jacuzzi, we sat in front of the fire. H said how happy he has been, etc. H told me that he realizes that he probably was in love with me the entire time he had his "mental melt down" but just didn't want to allow himself to be in love with me because of our problems. Wow, great to hear him say that! Told me that he like the way things are now, etc.
I was feeling a bit down for several days after we got home. Thought maybe I was pulling away from him. But, I gave it much thought and I realized the problems I'm dealing with are : I don't want to leave Hawaii and we just found out right b/4 we left for our trip that we are leaving here in Sept. (as long as H doesn't get deployed b/4 then) for Maryland (we've been there b/4, not bad, but it's NOT Hawaii!). Also, I am happy with myself for changing some things about myself (less bitchy, doing things I like to do, etc.) but I was angry with myself for not keeping up with being healthy! I have stopped smoking (YEAH!), but I hadn't been dieting or exercising as much as I used to. Anyway, I'm glad I figured out my problems, I told H about this, and he said he noticed I had "something" on my mind and was happy that I told him about it.
So, today, I started dieting again, and exercising again. I want to keep the changes happening! It was so hard to change some things about myself, but I am so proud of myself for the changes I've made.
Also, I have mostly gotten over my feelings of insecurity, and not trusting H. I decided to just let go! I still think about some things sometimes, but I don't let it get to me. I just blow it off, hard to explain. I feel much happier.
Anyway, we've been fighting colds for a long time now. Seems like the kids and H and I are getting a bit better. The doctor said my older D is bringing things home from Pre-school and we catch it, then, b/4 we are over one, we catch another, UGH!!
