At any rate my D is soon to be final and with no children, how in the world do I keep on contact with her? I have GAL and have been seeing someone for a while, but it was her that left and while she denied it I am certain she had an affair before leaving. And I am also certain that she is still seeing that person, and probably feels in love with him. Her support system has been telling her do what she feels, and of course the om has made things how thay are. To this point I have done all she has asked with regards to the D she filed (in fact she filed 2 months early and had to file again). Where do I go from here? Is there a way to get her to open up, or is it more likely that she has the closure she needs and now she will never look back?
Sorry that I have not been on much lately, but crazy here.
You need to realize that nothing is going to change on her side unless SHE wants it to. There is nothing that YOU can do about that. Especially if there is OM in the picture.
I know it is difficult to do, but that is what you need. GAL, develop the best you and go out there and enjoy life.
It is like that old saying, if you love them, let them go and if they come back, then you know. That is the approach I have taken with mine.
How often are you calling her? Do not pursue. That is key. Be there when she wants but let her open up on her own time. You can not do anything about it.
Hang in there!
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
I have not called her at all. I have not been pursuing. I was just curious if calling her, or writing some kind of letter about how I have grown would do anything. My guess is the best thing is to not call or write.
Calling her or writing her to tell her how you have grown will not do anything. talley I have visited you thread yet, but what kind of terms did you guys divorce on and where does she live now?
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
She currently lives about 1 1/2 hours away from me so "chance meetings" and things like that just aren't going to happen. That is why I am worried that I have become "out of sight out of mind". As for our terms, as the email I posted elsewhere says, she says she is still mad and not interested in being friends. I do not defend myself, and have been far from confrontational with her. There was never an attempt at reconcilling and the reason for divorce listed on my papers is "the parties have been seperated for a year". I think that to a point she is still upset, but I also think that she has put an angry face on things to justify having an affair, leaving and divorcing.
I think that to a point she is still upset, but I also think that she has put an angry face on things to justify having an affair, leaving and divorcing.
You are probably right. You are also in a tough situation for contacting as you already know. The only thing you really can do is move on and make a happier life for yourself and hopefully she will contact you down the road.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
My W & I have no kids & contact since the seperation has been limited. I have tryed to remain friends with my W & I beleive it's the best way forward where the aim is to save the M with limited contact. I sort of tested the water with a few phones calls, no R talk at all & nothing that would seem like pressure. Maybe try the same, if you W has an hobby, ask about it, ask about her job, her family, anything that would keep the call to maybe a few minutes in lenght.
No R talk, do happy talk...Maybe she'll ask how you are? what you've been upto..It's a good little goal to set. I once read somewhere, while speaking on the phone...SMILE... It's a trick that telesales people use alot, its ment to help have your tone of voice sound happy?
Has my being friends with my W made her think & consider? probably not. However, i am convinced that it has helped a little. She's more relaxed when we do meet, which I have to say, I can count on one hand the amount of times in 4 months.
For me, I have become comfortable with the prospect of my M being over. I'm not happy about it, but I can accept it. Again, try for the friends approach, it may be our only chance of keeping anything from our M's. Being there as a friend just may give you a slight crack in the door to keep a wedge in. At some point if you W new life goes down the pan...A good friend can be worth a million..
I have tried to stay in the friends loop but she has said that she is not interested in being friends. As of today, my divorce should be final, and I guess it's on with the rest of my life. Maybe someday she'll call me, but I don't think I should be calling anymore.
