need help to win back WAW

[Dom R]

Dave... you're not using your head.

There's a lot of stuff in this post. Please have patience, and read through ALL of it, carefully. Don't write it off until you read all the way through it.



You know that there is an 80% divorce rate after separation.
How many of those do you think started so that one person could "see how they feel", or "get their head straight" ?

You are NOT a special case. Yes, you WANT to be. but your marriage is just like all those other ones.
Your wife is just like all those other ones.

If "giving her time in sepatation to think" was such a great idea... then why is there such a high divorce rate after separation?
It just makes no sense.

Maybe you're just trying to avoid the tough part of continuing to have to work on yourself all the time, if she is living in the house with you?
Do you figure that you can "relax" more, if you are living separated?

PS: Do you know that there are major legal ramifications, for both your claim in the house, AND your custody of your children, if you are the one to move out?

Dont Move Out.

Your wife is planning an "exit". I think you have accurately pegged your wife as a "walkaway wife", unlike some others who have posted here about their own wives.
she gave up on you, 3 years ago. It will take a lot more than 30 days to change her pre-set opinion of you, that has cemented itself over the last 3 years.

She wanted a divorce 3 months ago. she still wants one. She will still want one in 30 days.
Her mother will be able to pressure/"encourage" her to dump you even more, once you are living separately.

Dont Move Out.


Answer this question for yourself?

Why would she want you back after 30 days?
Why would her opinion of you in 30 days, be any better than it is of you today?

There was an ex involved but it's no longer an issue and it didn't get very far. Just some emotional infidelity (and couple kisses) that I have forgiven her and we moved on.

no, you moved on and ignored the problem. She stayed right where she was. The problem was still there, but since she didnt complain, you thought "everything was all right". (classic WAW/husband dynamic ). The important thing was not "for you to forgive her", it was for you to find out what she was missing, and give it to her from then on.


She doesnt want you now. She wont want you in 30 days.

You need to change how you treat her, and then stick with it.
she wont believe it, until you have been that way for a long time. She cant believe it, until she sees it on a regular basis.
She can't see it, if you are no longer living together.

Today W mentioned that she really wants to make things work but she's struggling. She says she has a hard time believing that I can just do an 180 just like.

THIS is what you should be working on.
Tell her that you understand how she wouldnt believe you can change. Ask her to postpone moving out for a few more months, (sleeping in separate rooms if she likes) and just watch how you treat her. (dont push for any commitments about "if you like what you see", blah blah. Just ask her to watch, and make her own opinion after more time has gone by)

If she is separated from you, she will be making her judgement on whether to come back, on your past. Do you think she will be coming back to you, based on your past treatment of her? I'm guessing "no".

you need to have a chance to show her a new future.

Not by pressuring or forcing her to cooperate with you, or trying to argue "look, i've changed!". but by showing her with your actions, every day, that you are different now.

You cant do that, if you are separated.

Dont Move Out.