Hi everyone. Hope you are all doing well. H sent a nice email yesterday and said "ILY w/all my heart" Made me feel pretty good!
I realize I'm causing a lot of my own fears. But there is something that I've been thinking about that's bothering me a bit and I thought I'd post it here instead of bringing it up to H.
If you read my first thread, you know about our sitch. If not, I'll state a bit about the topic of my problem here. H dated a woman b/4 he met me. He had told me about her when we started dating, stating that he never loved her, etc. She dumped him to marry some guy. Anyway... fastforward 6 years later. When H dropped the bomb in Dec. he confessed that he had been "thinking about her". He said he didn't know if he loved her, didn't know if he ever got over her, thought maybe they could have a relationship after our D (at the time, H said he wanted a D). Anyway, I asked him if he ever spoke to her in the past 6 years, he said no. He said she just came up in his thoughts lately. I told him to call her and see how she feels. I felt like I had to do this because I wanted to know how HE felt about what she would say. So, since H is military, and she is too, it was easy for him to find her. He said that he called her, she's divorced w/2 kids, she said "ILY" to him. Now, I don't know whether believe that or not, because it had been six years since they had contact. H may have been saying that to push me away, even though he denies that is what he was doing. He said that was the only time he contacted her, and she has not contacted him.
Anyway, I told him I thought he wanted a fantasy woman because we had been having some problems since he deployed last June, and maybe he wanted to "start over".
Anyway, fast forward to now. H professes love to me, in love with me, looking forward to having his whole life with me, etc.
My problem is this. I feel like second choice. I know that sounds crazy, but I do. He has said he knows he's not in love with her, he was going through a "confusing" time, etc. He doesn't have any desire or intention of contacting her again. Who knows, anyway...
I know H was going through an emotional crisis (that's what I've dubbed it) and was totally confused. He had a wife who he was having problems with, a not so great marriage, etc.
All I wanted when H dropped the bomb was for him to be in love with me again, and for us to work out our problems. I NEVER thought all of this JUNK would come up inside of me AFTER everything was going well! I am sure some of you know what I mean.
Since he's been gone on his trip, I've done a lot of thinking, let go of a lot of things because if I didn't, our "new" R would NEVER work. This is one thing that plagues me though. I guess I just need some advice, tips, whatever, on getting through all of this stuff that comes AFTER, if you know what I mean.
I wonder if Michele has written anything about this, about all of the emotions we experience AFTER. Does anyone know??
