Sage, I'm scared of lots of things. I'm scared of trusting completely again just to have the rug pulled out from under me again. I'm scared of trusting what H is saying and then having him turn around and say "woops, didn't mean it". (If you read my other threads, you'll see he did that a few months ago).
It's been a long time now that he's been professing feelings to me, and apparently they haven't changed. This is something that I have to get past, it's nothing that he's doing to cause it, it's all on me now.
Also, YES, I definately brought TONS of baggage with me into this relationship. I didn't realize it until we were married a while and I got sick. My first H was a horrible, abusive (both physically, and mentally) person, alcoholic, drug addict, etc. Why I stayed, I'll never know. I was young (just turned 20) and wanted "excitement", who knew that I'd get the wrong kind of excitement. I stayed married for almost 8 years, tried so hard to get a divorce, ended up legally married for a bit more than 9 years. Met my H a year after my separation, we became great friends, stayed friends for over a year (something in me knew he was the one, but I just wasn't ready for that yet). Then, I moved across the country to be with him, married him 6 months later. Whirlwind. After I got sick, the old insecurities of not being good enough, etc, came flooding back.
I went to counseling, the counselor said I had a pretty good handle on things and that the main issues of my insecurities now are trust (trusting H, etc.). I'm trying to work on it. I have to dump a lot of stuff (memories of the hurt my present H has done, etc.), until I do that COMPLETELY!!!! I will never fully trust him.
