Hurray! I'm here!

[sage]

What's wrong with me??? Why can't I just deal with this, you know? I wish I could get over these feelings, but I'm so scared. Heaven forbid he gets deployed and is gone for up to a year, I'll be a BASKET CASE!

Any advice? Anyone dealt with this, or these feelings before? Does it pass????

Jill

Jill -- Nothing's wrong with you, hon. You've had your world rocked by H. and recent events and in MHO, it's perfectly normal that you would feel insecure and anxious as a result. I know it FEELS like it's been an eternity but it really hasn't been that long in terms of your recovery and the recovery of your M.

So, there's the acute pain of your M troubles that will take some time to get over. Is it possible that there's also been a longer period of insecurity for you? I think (sorry not to go back to your original thread and check) that you've said that you've always struggled with believing H's feelings for you or maybe more accurately that you've questioned his feelings...is that true? Is it possible that you brought into the M. some significant feelings of insecurity anyway? I'm learning for myself that that is indeed the case. I working with an individual C. -- have you considered counseling for yourself?

At the end of the day, Jill, there will be the layer of reassurance that your H. will be able to give you and then there's the layer that you're going to have to find a way to fill in yourself -- that you are worthy of love, that you will be ok no matter what happens (as life is only predictable in it's unpredictability!), that you are "just right" just as you are, etc.

Please be gentle with yourself.

Sage

PS -- Just reread your post. You say that you are "scared" -- what are you scared of, Jill? Really and Truly? I think that answering that question with utmost honesty might give you some guidance.