Hey, I still need to send you 40 bucks for a new keyboard
I haven't read back through your thread, but I want to say two or three weeks ago we were predicting that your W would probably swing back this way. It could be that she is really unsure of the decision -- asking for your approval for vacation (I mean, she needs to let you know and coordinate schedules, but she doens't need your approval). Could that be her way of signaling to you that she's rethinking all this stuff?
I remember that she's been manipulative in the past, and I'm not suggesting that you dive back into her arms, but be wary of closing the door shut prematurely.
But, I am glad to see that you are on an emotionally even keel.
Now, ask that hot doc on a date -- and ask her to bring a nurse outfit and stethoscope. WOO HOO!
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Puddle very insightful and Heimilich I think you may be right but I think I don't care. What I think has gotten to me is realizing that while I need to continue to change, more on that in a minute, and I allowed way too much, she has no desire to do anything but play games. About a year and half ago we were living in a relatives basement saving for a down on a house, we had just finished school. We were so close to a good down payment and she left me then, she spent a huge chunk of money is a few days and then got an apartment. It basically killed our house idea until well, 3 months ago now. So what I'm saying is I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't think she is stable and I'm sick of getting walked on and enabling her to do it.
Which gets to me, talking to a friend today online he mentioned that him and another really never noticed this until now, but they said I seem to be a lot more like the guy I was in college. They said they never really noticed the change, but now looking back I let her walk all over me in the M. I've always been a very generous person, with my time and money, to family and friends. But I have also been a go getter and very decisive, I took charge of things and ran with it, and while she says I was controlling and I was, I really let her get away with too much. So no more, I'm calling her on her crap and she can't do it, at least with me anymore.
It is rather telling when her sister, a year apart, they are glued at hip, usually flying to see each other twice a month, has not been here since this started and told my W that she is making a mistake. Those two are thick as thieves and to not stand together seems really odd.
And she called again, to see if my plans changed for tonight. I told her no, and she said she figured that she entertained her dad for 5 days and needs some time alone, she just thought I would give it to her. Not so nice, but I told her it wasn't my problem that she needed time alone and that if she wanted to change the schedule a little more advance notice would be appreciated and I could accomodate her. Then she asked if we could talk tonight and I said no as well, reiterated that I had plans and that if she would like some of my time she may call and set up a time.
She is screaming for attention, but I just don't care. She got really down when I ended the call with, "You have the divorce papers right? Ya. Good, don't forget to bring them by tonight when you pick S up." I can tell she is back stepping now that I'm pushing forward. That is too bad, it would be nice if we could work as a team, side by side.
I've made a choice and hate to be hard nosed about it but I'm doing nothing unless I get a full committment, which I won't. Other then that it is D time and I do need to get the doc out on a date.
Sorry just rambling and don't really have anything to say. I'm sort of looking forward to closing this out and moving on. I'm excited at the prospect of being in control of my time. I did have a major hit to the gut this afternoon, friends sent pics of them and new baby. I sat there and looked at his poor wife with the weight gain still, hair all over and thought women are such gorgeous things and I remembered when my W was there and how I felt and how much I loved her. Well live and learn.
Hi Atlas, Way to go on standing up to the W and holding your ground. I was just talking to C last night about how I need to do this as well. It is a key part of stopping the cycle and making a change that makes your life better. It may very well help with your W and M, but as you said, thta's all on her. Not sure which way you are headed, but it will be a good way regardless.
Me 32 WAW 30 D Bomb 7/9 Separated 7/15 Reiterated bomb 8/12 PA 8/21 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1198643
Atlas, This attitude that you are taking with her now, strong, assertive, showing her that you are moving on will probably get her thinking that she might start missing you now and wanting to come back. I was unhappy in my M until my H said he was done and didn't want to try and fix things. That was the only thing that really got me to thinking about how much I truly wanted to be with him and the old you don't know what you got until they are gone.
Me: 41 H: 39 D: 6 S: 4 M-14 T-16 first bomb: 5-12-07 (M dead doesn't really want to work things out.) second bomb: 6-4-2007 (found note he wrote about wanting desperately to be with OW and would have to give up everything) Kelley
Kelley I can only dream. Honestly though, I look at the person standing in front of me and I don't know her, she even looks diffrent to me. That is the weirdest part is my perspective changed. I'm still desperately in love with the wife of 6 months ago, but alas she is gone.
On that note, we are getting along like champs. I can not believe it. She is seriously becoming so nice in our interactions. You know I can say this too, I had a horrible career experiance betwen 9-6 months ago. It was crippling and I took it badly. Just zoned out all the time, I'm sure she lost all respect for me as a man during that time. Now that I'm standing up for myself I can see it in her eyes, she is about to jump on me. Dange that would be nice, haha.
Well she gave me the papers last night. She is hanging herself, she is asking for nothing and giving me everything. Honestly, I don't know if she wants to be a victim and martyr, her mother was for hers. I don't care though, I can walk away without any financial hit. I keep almost everything, I mean everything. Her request for alimony and child support is so minimual I could probably pay half a years portion at a time.
I have talked with two attorney friends and I'm trying to get in to see a divorce attorney. But right now the recommendation is let her file, push her to file. They said she can't really change her stance after she files and then all I have to do is agree.
I guess for DB purposes I could wait and see, as in let her file then I can drag my feet for 90 days and see if anything is salvagable. May not be a bad idea.
On the other hand I talked with a few ladies last night, had a good time out. Didn't get any phone numbers and wouldn't have wanted to with these gals, but it was some fun flirting none the less. I'm really enjoying this single life.
It sounds like you're doing really well (as in feeling good). It sounds like your W is one of those WASs who's desperate to change the situation but won't change themselves. You, your W, your old friends (that's a big one), and the "ladies" (that made me smile) out there see the new you, and you're getting a lot of response. It's got to feel good. Enjoy!
So I had S last night and it was terrible. He acts up all the time now and then just shuts down. He cried all night for "mommy" and won't let me touch him or hold him. He says "Dad not home" in this sad voice like I have abandoned him. It is going ef'ing great.
Well go to drop him off this morning and W is not home. I knock, and knock, nothing. I call and her phone is turned off. Hmmm, I find a sitter fast and start to pull out. W comes pulling up, and we got into it.
Well I asked if she was picking him up tonight or not and she says no, unless you have plans. I said I do have plans but had arranged for a sitter. To which, I kid you not she tells me it isn't appropriate for me to be dating. I lost it, I told her it isn't appropriate to be ef'ing around town and shoving [censored] up her nose. Told her to mind her own business and walked.
I can't believe I have to coparent my s with this women. There is no way, NO WAY we are ever going to get along. I just need to get as far away as possible.
"I said I do have plans but had arranged for a sitter. To which, I kid you not she tells me it isn't appropriate for me to be dating."
How dare you have a life? Did you not read the rules? We LBS's are not allowed to get on with our life. We are supposed to be laying on the floor wallowing in our grief because the most perfect one has left us. We are not allowed to have a life until they grant it so, but be aware they can take that back several minutes later. But seriously, if you just lost it, then you still got some work to do. By her words making you lose it, proves to her that she still has some power over you. Probably a more appropriate response next time will be "whatever" turn and walk.
"So I had S last night and it was terrible. He acts up all the time now and then just shuts down. He cried all night for "mommy" and won't let me touch him or hold him."
I am not remembering the age of you son, but I am thinking he is younger than my daughter. I have been going through some similiar stuff with her though. She is 5 1/2. The other day I took the store got her a toy, took her to a childrens type a place to play, took her swimming, and then we went out to eat. On the way home she starts throwing a fit because I wont take her to WalMart and get her another toy. "You are the worst dad ever. You dont care about me. I hate you." Now it seems like she can sense when I am really tired, and bugged by all of my crap. We were driving at the time. I did get mad, I told her, "All of the things we did today? I cant believe you would say that. Your words really hurt me. If you want to act like that, I dont even want you to come see me. I really wish things were not like they are. But if you want to say things like that, just stay with mom, dont come see me."
She got quiet for a minute, then said, "I am sorry, I love you"
She is having a harder time coping with this then she lets on. I need to probably be more assuring to her. It is hard being that single dad guy sometimes, isnt it???
Your right, I do have more work to do. I'm pretty much laughing about it at this point, and I knew it. I just knew that the first time I saw she was with someone or something like that, I was going to freak. When she pulled up she was pulling up from spending the night at someone's place. Instead of freaking out, I should have said what we did in college, "Ah, walking the walk of shame." We always used to tease the roommate or the girl that got kicked out the next day and had to walk home.
Just really hit hard at the moment. Oh well, I'm going out tonight.
