Hi. Well, I broke down and called H. He's flying out tonight to another country and I wanted to talk to him b/4 then. He answered and sounded happy and suprised to hear from me. I haven't spoken to him since Friday and I guess I was kind of freaking out.
He said he was going to call me tonight when he got in to the other hotel. I stupidly started asking questions about his love for me. I am so insecure right now. I am so nervous that he is going to lose his feelings while he's away. Why can't I just accept that he has those feelings for me and leave it at that???? If they are real, he won't lose them, but I can't leave it at that.
I asked him if he missed me, he said "very much". I asked if he was still in love with me, again he said "very much". Then he said he "you know I don't like talking about this over the phone". I asked him that if his feelings changed would he tell me over the phone? He said yes. Then he said we can talk about all of this stuff when he gets home. I got nervous and asked "what is there to talk about when you get home???" Then he said "nothing babe, we can just talk like we always do, I love you, I'm fine, WE'RE fine, ok? Don't worry, what's wrong??" I told him that I was missing him very badly lately, and just wanted to know that his feelings were still the same.
He said "would I go out and search for the perfect gifts for you if I didn't love you?" He said he bought me some really nice gifts. Then I said "well, on our anniversary (a couple of weeks after the bomb) you bought me a beautiful ring, and you didn't have feelings then" He said "that was different, ok? I love you very much".
What's wrong with me??? Why can't I just deal with this, you know? I wish I could get over these feelings, but I'm so scared. Heaven forbid he gets deployed and is gone for up to a year, I'll be a BASKET CASE!
Any advice? Anyone dealt with this, or these feelings before? Does it pass????
