Jill, I'd stay here, Newcomers is so busy that a new thread ends up on page 5 the day it was entered! Plus I think it's more for the poor souls in the beginning of their own terrible turmoil and you and I are here now, right???!!!! Have you read Willard F Harley Jr.s book called "Love Busters"? It's every bit as good as the 5 love languages that gets mentioned so much here and you won't have to figure out your H's 'anything'. Take care, Lsia
Hi! I looked for Love Busters when I bought the five love languages but they didn't have it. I'm going to another book store today to try to find it.
Still reading love languages, still in deep thought about it. It makes great sense! The section on children hit my older daughter right on the mark. She likes quality time from me. So, I gave her an entire hour alone with me last night, after I put younger D in bed. She was so happy, and in such a great mood. I love that book!
Spoke w/H yesterday, he bought me a gift. He's being so sweet, going the extra mile to get in touch with me. I miss him so much. I wish we could have had some time (maybe a couple of months or so) together before he had to leave on another trip.
He gets back on Mar. 3, we leave for vacation on the 7th (Can't wait! We are going to the Big Island- Hawaii, and we'll see the volcanoes, etc.), then, he leaves again on the 23rd until mid April. He'll miss my 35th birhtday, (35, I'm not handling that too well, lol.)
Hope everyone is doing well. Haven't heard from H since Fri. Don't expect too since there's a huge time difference and he said he'd get in touch w/me b/4 he got to his "next location". He comes home on the 3rd, I can't wait.
I miss him so much. I'm kind of down in the dumps today. I hate the weekends when he's gone. Just me and the kids. Not that I hate being w/the kids, but I like spending time together as a family. I am so thankful though, that he isn't deployed yet, then he'd be gone for 6 or more months. That would truly be horrible. If that happens, I'll go stay with family back in the states. It's pretty lonely here with no one around.
I'm still feeling a little insecure about us. I trust him not to get involved in another EA (due to our R being in a good place now), but I'm still nervous that his time away from me will cause him to lose the feelings he's found for me.
I keep reading the letter he wrote me Valentine's Day. It's full of love, how much he loves me, looks forward to a long, great life with me, "ILY, please never forget that".
That letter is such a pick me up. He wanted a D only this past Dec., and now he's found all of this love again for me.
Anyway, just wanted a place to dump my sadness about missing him. Thanks for "listening"!
Hi. Well, I broke down and called H. He's flying out tonight to another country and I wanted to talk to him b/4 then. He answered and sounded happy and suprised to hear from me. I haven't spoken to him since Friday and I guess I was kind of freaking out.
He said he was going to call me tonight when he got in to the other hotel. I stupidly started asking questions about his love for me. I am so insecure right now. I am so nervous that he is going to lose his feelings while he's away. Why can't I just accept that he has those feelings for me and leave it at that???? If they are real, he won't lose them, but I can't leave it at that.
I asked him if he missed me, he said "very much". I asked if he was still in love with me, again he said "very much". Then he said he "you know I don't like talking about this over the phone". I asked him that if his feelings changed would he tell me over the phone? He said yes. Then he said we can talk about all of this stuff when he gets home. I got nervous and asked "what is there to talk about when you get home???" Then he said "nothing babe, we can just talk like we always do, I love you, I'm fine, WE'RE fine, ok? Don't worry, what's wrong??" I told him that I was missing him very badly lately, and just wanted to know that his feelings were still the same.
He said "would I go out and search for the perfect gifts for you if I didn't love you?" He said he bought me some really nice gifts. Then I said "well, on our anniversary (a couple of weeks after the bomb) you bought me a beautiful ring, and you didn't have feelings then" He said "that was different, ok? I love you very much".
What's wrong with me??? Why can't I just deal with this, you know? I wish I could get over these feelings, but I'm so scared. Heaven forbid he gets deployed and is gone for up to a year, I'll be a BASKET CASE!
Any advice? Anyone dealt with this, or these feelings before? Does it pass????
Quoting Teach: What's wrong with me??? Why can't I just deal with this, you know? I wish I could get over these feelings, but I'm so scared. Heaven forbid he gets deployed and is gone for up to a year, I'll be a BASKET CASE!
Any advice? Anyone dealt with this, or these feelings before? Does it pass????
Jill
Jill -- Nothing's wrong with you, hon. You've had your world rocked by H. and recent events and in MHO, it's perfectly normal that you would feel insecure and anxious as a result. I know it FEELS like it's been an eternity but it really hasn't been that long in terms of your recovery and the recovery of your M.
So, there's the acute pain of your M troubles that will take some time to get over. Is it possible that there's also been a longer period of insecurity for you? I think (sorry not to go back to your original thread and check) that you've said that you've always struggled with believing H's feelings for you or maybe more accurately that you've questioned his feelings...is that true? Is it possible that you brought into the M. some significant feelings of insecurity anyway? I'm learning for myself that that is indeed the case. I working with an individual C. -- have you considered counseling for yourself?
At the end of the day, Jill, there will be the layer of reassurance that your H. will be able to give you and then there's the layer that you're going to have to find a way to fill in yourself -- that you are worthy of love, that you will be ok no matter what happens (as life is only predictable in it's unpredictability!), that you are "just right" just as you are, etc.
Please be gentle with yourself.
Sage
PS -- Just reread your post. You say that you are "scared" -- what are you scared of, Jill? Really and Truly? I think that answering that question with utmost honesty might give you some guidance.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
