Hi Puddle! Get it off your chest - it is confusing. The only way I can keep focussed is to remind myself H is the confused one and that I am not responsible for his thoughts.
Last night we had a R talk and he said I was confused and didn't appreciate what was happening. I thought was is happening? Is he going to name the day? But he trotted out the same old stuff and I validated most of it but stuck to my pov on some things. Like: the past may justify your actions to you but I see it as no justification. When he said he couldn't change his feelings I quoted a book he loaned me which says you can have a change of heart and feelings.
I just thought, if this is it, I'm going to say something. He finished by saying he had to go because he couldn't stand the guilt and depression, which magically lifts when he leaves the house.
Anyway, Puddle, you are entitled to ask for something you want, eg more consideration about the phone. Do NOT apologise because you have done nothing wrong. If you live with someone, you are entitled to draw certain reasonable boundaries without upsetting them, if you choose the right time to speak.
If he's waiting for a R talk then he has to instigate it. I had to wait over 2 weeks for last night's talk.
I pulled the if you don't you have to leave card much earlier on and he replied he'd go when he's good and ready. It really panicked him, Puddle and made me feel strong that I wasn't scared to say it.
As for the depression and bad temper, that's nothing to do with you either - his working through his own guilt and bad feelings so let him get on with it. Get busy and ignore it. Now and again I ask H if he's ok? and leave it at that.
Fact is, I am scared now, but we've reached another stage in this mess.
