Dave.. I appreciate your situation. it's a nasty and difficult thing, to try to "win back" a WAW.

I've been separated for over a year now.
I have 3 short things to say.

1. Dont move out

2. Dont move out

3 DONT MOVE OUT

Yeah, she'll throw a hissy if you change your mind now.
but better that she get all pissed at you now, then you drop the chances of you ever recovering your marriage by 80% or something horrible, if you actually physically separate.

I'm sure she'll give you lots of reasons why you "have" to separate, and YOU "have" to move out.
Just say words to the tune of, "I hear what you are saying. I'm sorry you feel that way. After thinking deeply over the past few weeks about our situation, I have a different opinion on what is the best thing to do in this situation" .

Obviously, she still has the option to move out herself.
She may do so, particularly if she's still dating someone else. She may decide at that point, to threaten you with legal action of filing separation/divorce. (so that you'll finance her while she's out there, and dating whoever)

My advice to you, is to stand firm.

It is next to impossible to work on your marriage well, when you are separated. Avoid it as much as possible, and if it comes down to it, do not give validation to the idea by you being the one to move out.


keep in mind that, "I need space", is almost always a mask for, "I dont want you to see what I really am up to/want to be doing".

Also, the more comfy you make separation, the more you validate her WAW inside, looking for proof that "see? divorce will be JUST FINE!"

This is possibly just a trial run to see how a divorce will be. If it's comfy enough for her, then next comes divorce. Dont go down that road. If you love your children, or your wife, dont do it.

If she truely wants "time to herself", etc. then she could have a separate room in the house to do [whatever].
Usually, when a spouse wants their partner OUT OF THE HOUSE, it's so that they can date, etc., seems like.
Or at the very least, as a dry run for divorce.

Last edited by Dom R; 08/23/07 05:47 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle