Letter to DW

[Nugget]

A little write up I found today while surfing.

If I've searched out books or outside insight to help me find answers to relationship difficulties, I may have come across the phrase "detachment with love". What exactly does this mean?
To detach, means to let go - not in the sense of leaving the relationship, but in letting go of my wishful thinking that somehow I can get my partner to change. When I detach with love, I make a conscious decision to stop reacting to things they do. Instead, I try to make choices that are best for me in any given situation.
On the surface, detachment sounds uncaring. It's not however unless I choose to stop caring. For example, if my SO growls at me for something they feel I should have done, I can detach from their anger. They have a right to their emotions, just as I have a right to mine. I can choose not to respond to their anger with anger of my own; instead, I can simply respond in ways that acknowledge their feelings, or even not respond at all, if that feels best.
When I detach, I find myself being able to love my SO's good qualities more without their faults dragging me down.

Just for Today
Today if I find myself reacting to my partner's choices or feelings, I'll remember that I have no real power over them. Conversely, the only real power my partner has over my choices and feelings is the power I give them. Whatever thoughts and emotions I have, let them be truly mine, and let the same apply to them.

It is one of the beautiful compensations of life that no man can sincerely try to be kind to another, without helping himself. - Bailey


``Letting Go''
To `let go'' does not mean to stop caring.
It means I can't do it for someone else.
To ``let go'' is not to cut myself off.
It's the realization I can't control another.
To ``let go'' is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To ``let go'' is to admit powerlessness
which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To ``let go'' is not to try to change or blame another.
It's to make the most of myself.
To ``let go'' is not to care for, but to care about.
To ``let go'' is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To ``let go'' is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To ``let go'' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
To ``let go'' is not to be protective.
It's to permit another to face reality.
To ``let go'' is not to deny, but to accept.
To ``let go'' is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To ``let go'' is not to criticize and regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To ``let go'' is not to adjust everything to my desires
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To ``let go'' is to not regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To ``let go'' is to fear less and LOVE MYSELF MORE!