Glad to know you are going to the gym, I belong to a club/gym they call it an athletic club, and it even has a bar! I joined about 2 years ago. I have met people there and as I try go everyday ( or 4 times a week when I was in tough shape) it is my social outlet. They also have coffee, newspapers and social events. Sometimes it is my only human contact besides here! People there are supportive to me, I know almost everyone there, young and old. It is also why I am not on any meds... I can not stress to anyone in our situtations how important it is to find at least one thing to do for yourself in this times of separation. Not to mention the weight loss. Plus when he was living here and not wanting to do anything, I went there. I find support there, I have had a meltdown or two, and people gathered around me and hugged me. I have also have found help there, realtors, bankers, job prospects, a date! As we are in the separated thread I wanted to add this maybe to support someone else.
Believe it or not klm the boss looking for him and him calling you is a very good thing! He called you as you are his sounding board and it is comfortable with that. You did it right by listening and then being suportive. You handled this so well. The only thing is do not ask him where he was or where he lives. I know, I know, but believe me that is my deal too, I did that and T would shake his head and say leave that alone. They want to hang on to that. When he has come to the house I have even said things in response to his saying I can't stay I have to be somewhere, I go, where are you going or where do you have to go. I backslide! If you want to know where he lives I will email you as I know a couple of ways to find out where he is. My H did that this time also. I found him. I do not know what a TDY is! You did exceptional! Stay calm.
Us left behind get it that the spouse who moves out may not want to come and do the things around the house. Klm and some of us are more independent than some women. When they start talking about selling the house then the dynamics change. Or if someone has filed for D. In the past this is how we reconnected. He came here once for a paint scraper and a chisel, it is a 50 mile round trip! It is also different for someone that does not have children as klm and I do not have that to have contact or a phone call.
I went to T yesterday. He told me know we are going to move into the next stage of plan. I am going to write him a letter, email, and the basic is that I am fine and ready to move on and hope that now that the paperwork is filed and he is away from me that he find happiness and find out what his anger is really about. It is not all me. That is the Cliff note version, I am going to write it next week with the T. The point being that he thinks his unhappiness and anger is all about me. T said you want this marriage to work and so do I, but you do not want him back if he does not change and fix this. This has been going on for 4 years, and 3 moveouts remember...T said he will probably want to reconcile before you get to the point of D. I am to not go dark. I am not to bug him about the house stuff. Show him I am moving on and look good, be happy. Tell him I am busy, getting a mortgage. T said he probably did not recognize you on the court house steps. I am thinner, dressed well and my hair is below my shoulders and that is not how he invisions me or really sees me. Him not looking good and his anger is not a bad thing. He is not doing well with out me and the anger is an emotion that he does still feel and care. We meet with a lawyer this Monday. I am to lay low and not show my cards and not let the lawyer know how much I know, or show my brain. This is the pro se lawyer. She is to check our paperwork. If it gets down to D, I have a lawyer I will hire. We have a lot of assets and it is more complicated that H thinks. Plan is to let it sit for the 120 days and see if he wants back. After the appt the letter.
Now that I have wrote all this. As we parted at the courthouse he said I will check my email everyday and that is how we should communicate. T said and he will. I thought not. Guess what! I just got an email (yesterday) asking if I had thrown out the file with his drums in as he has a blank cd with his drum photos. Could he come out to the house sat or sun and look for that, and he will cut down the trees the insurance co wanted done. What? Oh, and he wants a fry pan lid... I have not responded as I was at the Parade of Homes yesterday and got home late last night. T said I want you to save to save this marriage and get off this roller coaster. I was not so sure I would hear from him and said so yesterday afternoon. I said I think he will not want to talk to me at all unless it is about D. T said he will want to come out, trust me. He was right! Klm, how did this a.m. go?
