Chickie is right, sometimes they do need to move out to have the distance to see things more clearly and try to figure it out. By being in the same house, wanting out and wanting OP, there's the blame, resentment towards you from keeping them away from what they want, and a huge amount of tension... Sometimese WAS can harbor a lot of anger and blame, I think it's good when they can leave on their own because it's one less thing they can blame you for. So, Cali, you did great. You supported his decision and that's the best you can do....
Actually, I too sort of "kicked" my husband out. At the time, he had already looked at apartments, chose one, signed the lease and had planned to move out on a specific date.... so I knew he was leaving (although the divorce papers weren't yet served). In the meantime there was one or two weeks where he was still at home, and the tension level was insane. One day he took off work to go snowboarding and I checked his drawer to count his rubbers and they were gone! So I figured he was going with her, or he was trying to find a quick hook-up (Yikes!!!). The whole idea completely infuriated me. You have to keep in mind, this was all before I knew about DBing and I was completely broadsided. Anyhow, I packed all his stuff (he was living downstairs) in boxes, put them in the garage and called him and left a message on his cell phone. I apologized for the situation, but said (very nicely), that things were just too crazy. I couldn't handle the stress of it, his things were in the garage, and I felt if would be better for both of us if he stayed at his mom's house for that week or two until he could get into the apartment.... and since he was moving out anyway it shouldn't be such a big deal... But, when he came home he was FURIOUS!!! He yelled and even threw a large framed photo at me. This was not typical behavior for him. He's not violent. Anyhow, the very next morning, (early!), I was served with the divorce papers. Even though he had been telling me he was going to do it, he did seem to be putting it off. I think this got his anger up high enough to actually go through with it. Looking back, I do realize now we had to go through this. He needed to lose me and his family to appreciate us.
Penny, my husband and I are back together. He stopped the divorce before it was finalized.... life continues it's ups and downs... fortunately the roller coaster ride hasn't been so intense, but piecing does have it's own difficulties and bumps.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
