WAW filing for D

[Steel_Box]

dlt1 - I was reading through and wanted to offer my perspective. Don't know if it will help, but I feel the more viewpoints I hear from, the better informed I am for a decision.

She may very well find herself wanting to save our M one day down the road. IF that happens, I may be open to it, I may not. I doubt she'll get there and don't care. I only care now about getting ME to a better place. This past 6 weeks has really put me on the right road. I still have work to do, but I can see the person I am finally becoming. And I like him! I'm beginning to see things in me that I have admired in others. I'm not exactly comfortable with these new traits/actions, but I am becoming more so each day.

This is where I was a while back and it is not a bad place. The pain of the knowledge helps to stoke the fire of change, use it. Continue to make yourself a better person and it will pay off, with or without her. You will become comfortable in your new skin, hopefully to the point that you will forget what the old you was like.

I will be happier with OR without her. She has no bearing on my future happiness. I can forgive her. I kind of already have, but not completely. But I see it happening before long. Once I get settled again and find my way. In her heart she is a good person. She is confused, lonely, depressed, lost, basically FUBAR.

You seem to have a good attitude in that you can already see that this anger and pain will pass. I think that when you are able to forgive her it makes it easier for you to heal and get on with your life. If she comes out of her fog and wants to try and work on the R, you are better suited to do this if you have moved past the pain. I found that the pain will resurface and want to exact revenge if you are not in control of it. It will also help in the D process as Rain said. If you do decide to go through with the D, and it appears that you have, you have to put anger and emotion aside and treat it like a business deal. Someone told me that and I thought I could. It is a lot tougher than you would think, but it does help. It is possible that this will be a wake up call. Not right a way, but after she calms down and begins to see what she is losing.

FWIW in my case I did file for D, more out of fear that she was going to try to take my kids, than the A. When I first informed her it was not pretty, and I was pretty sure that that was it. No more chance. It was very tense and for a while I thought it may be a very ugly fight. As it stands now, our D paperwork is still in the courts, but things have much improved between us. I am still prepared to see it all the way through, but since she is now making efforts, I am not trying to speed it to the end. There may even become a point that I have it pulled, just not yet.

Stay Strong
Steel