Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW 3

[oldtimer]

P.S. Look for something at least 15 minutes away.

[Matt-14]

OT,

Interesting....why 15 minutes away....is that just to give space?

Are you sure your not Heim's W? Just logging in here as OT to get the space you want!


Matt

[Heimlich]

I found an apartment today, take possession on the 28th. Will move in over the following week or two given my current work schedule.

Thought about a townhouse for the reasons you gave, OT, but with joint custody didn't want to be moving the girls more than once. Routine is important for them at this age and I don't want to disrupt them more than necessary. That, and I've got a fair amount of stuff.

Sorry, OT, it's 5 minutes away (why 15 minutes? I'm from the south, driving 15 minutes is still nothing to me -- just more expensive now). If I didn't have two young girls, I would have moved further out. Because we are going to be alternating custody, I wanted to remain close for a variety of reasons, predominately because I don't want a long turnaround in the middle of my work day to get them to/from school (and the ability to work at home and have them after school is a tremendous savings). Plus, my W and I are going to have to juggle our work schedules to allow each other to pick up the girls on the "others'" week in case one of us needs to stay in the office late. A further distance would have been tougher on them than need be and very inconvenient for me -- and the W.

The reason I moved on this so quickly is that it is, for the area, a rock bottom price and a good-sized apartment -- 2bed/2bath with room for my work desk and a small table in the dining area (Won't be attractive, but functional). Plus, 4th floor, so I get a good stair workout daily and less noise.

I get your houseguest analogy, but this was about a good deal, not getting me out of the house. We actually had a conversation about this around noon -- instigated by her, not me. She had copies of my three most recent pay stubs in her van, so she brought them to our house (needed them for the apt. application). She said that I don't want you to feel that I'm pushing you out. I said nope, glad you dropped in at this place on a whim and found it, it's a great deal and what I was looking for (I spent 2 hours today looking at available apts in the neighborhood, liked this one the best). I take possession on the 28th. W said I can move in over 2 or 3 weeks, that's fine with her. I said I'll try to get out as quickly as I can because I feel like I've been all over you and want to give you the space you've been asking for for months. She replied that it's fine, really, no rush. Now that it's happening, I can feel the pressure leaving me, so take your time. I thanked her for that and just said I'll get out as quickly as I can. I did ask her to help me with the girl's room. We're going to get bunk beds for them this weekend. Once we get those in, we'll figure out how to best use the space. She wants to be involved in that and I don't have a problem with it. Again, her request, not mine. The rest is my space and I'll do what I please. Ah, man space. What to do, what to do. WAW, with the lower than expected rent and the current financing plans as football season gets underway at Best Buy and elsewhere, I'm thinking a little retail therapy will be in order.

So, all in all, a good day. She said again that she feels this will be good for us. I didn't launch into a R thing. She said she knows the door is still open, but has been living day to day fo a few months and hasn't thought about the future, but she hopes that we'll remain friends regardless of whether we end up together or not.

OK. For anyone reading this, backing off and giving space works. Just do it. I'm not even out of the house yet and she's visibly more relaxed around me.

Delia, thanks for that post. I'm going to see my W frequently just because of the girls. I don't envision us hanging out quite as much as JustMe's example and don't really expect to have that level of interaction with her, though we'll probably eat together once in a while -- something she's already mentioned.

So, we'll see. No expectations at this point so any good things happening, R wise, with her and I are bonuses.

Hey, look, it is getting better!

BD

[Puddle]

I'm so happy to hear you're feeling good, Heimlich. I think it's definitely going to be better for *you*---some of the stress has got to be off. As for the future, who knows? But you sound good now. If you want company to watch a game, just holler---I'm a fan and my DH hates football!

Good on you. Take care of yourself.

[Heimlich]

Yeah, I feel like OT has perfected her detachment ray and hit me with it. Kind of like everything I've been trying to learn really just gelled. Don't know if you've ever played sports or any sort of physical activity, but it's like you're learning, learning, learning; a little off, a little awkward then; BAM! you get it. From there, you're now flawless everytime, but you now the moves.

Puddle, if you're serious, I would love someone to watch football with -- in glorious HD (I think I'm definately going to get a TV, been wanting one for over a year now). My W has never been a sports fan and none of my friends like football. Don't know if I'll be set up in time to watch the Saints begin their glorious run to the Superbowl on Sept 6, but any time from then on. Let me know. [e-mail]

BD

[oldtimer]

Heim,

I don't really get the contrast you think you are drawing between my host/houseguest example and your W/you. You said you saw what I meant. Gave a big "BUT." And then you proceeded to describe your sitch so it matched up pretty darn exactly.

Look, I know you like the contact, the strings, the excuses to have her involved. But, I really don't think it is going to hurt to give your W more space on the apartment thing than she is demanding. She is simply trying to be nice. ALL WASs want to stop feeling like the bad guy/gal. They ALL want to feel good about what they are doing. They ALL want to feel like they aren't being horrible to the LBS. You have given her enough space so that she can be nice. That doesn't mean you need to close the space by taking her up on all her offers.

Look, if things work out for you, they are NOT going to work out over night. I can practically guarantee that things will get worse before they get better. At the very least, you will have some very rough patches alone in your apartment.

It is NOT going to be fun to sit around and have these thoughts: "Oh, this is great. W loves me so much she even picked out THIS apartment for me to move into to get the h*ll out of her life." If you start dating yourself at some point (far down the road I would hope), this will not be a good line: "Thanks, I'm glad you like my apartment. My wife picked it out." You signed the lease, so you stuck yourself with these.

But, you don't need to keep getting W all over your space. Think about decorating the girls room as a wonderful new Daddy-girls only adventure. It is a room. It is an adventure. It will be about you and them. You can do it. This is much better than setting this up – "Gee, there is the lamp mommy picked out for your room, too bad she doesn't love us enough to be here with us."

Be independent.

[oldtimer]

--> ZAP ZAP ZAP

^
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Detachment Ray Gun

[Disillussioned]

The reason I moved on this so quickly is that it is, for the area, a rock bottom price and a good-sized apartment -- 2bed/2bath with room for my work desk and a small table in the dining area (Won't be attractive, but functional). Plus, 4th floor, so I get a good stair workout daily and less noise.

General question here. On the apartment topic, what is the general concensus on who moves? I've been talking with my sister, and she thinks it should be the W that takes the hit and moves. After all, it is her decision to end the R and not work on it. Is this more likely to cause bitterness and resentment? Do the lawyers have any recommendation on this? Any potential for accusations of abandonment? I think we are at the point now where the living together is just not healthy and counterproductive to the R. Someone is going to have to move to give the needed space. Should it be me?

So, all in all, a good day. She said again that she feels this will be good for us. I didn't launch into a R thing. She said she knows the door is still open, but has been living day to day fo a few months and hasn't thought about the future, but she hopes that we'll remain friends regardless of whether we end up together or not.

OK. For anyone reading this, backing off and giving space works. Just do it. I'm not even out of the house yet and she's visibly more relaxed around me.

Hear this loud and clear now. Currently backing off, thank you.

[stewart10]

Hey OT...

Can I get a zap by that gun you got there???? I could really use it.




Heim:

I say go for the HD. Definitely worth it. Although it has started to interfere with my going out and GAL cuz all I want to do is sit at home and watch it.

Stew

[oldtimer]

Re who moves... Talk to a L to find out the implications of moving before you decide.