WAW filing for D

[dlt1]

Good Morning,
It is better than I expected today. Just letting it all sink in. I am hoping to get in with C today or tomorrow. Need some help, or another sounding board to figure out how to prepare to move on. As far as the W, I'm done trying. She is nowhere close to right in the head. She isn't going to see this as a wake up either. She will be out of my life sooner rather than later as I push forward with the D. I'm done lingering and hoping. I've wasted 3 years with someone who was half assed about the whole R. Sure, we had good times, she even admitted we felt perfect a long time ago. She has gone too far the other way. I do not let myself get treated like that. I did b/c I love her and would have done anything to get her back to me. She may very well find herself wanting to save our M one day down the road. IF that happens, I may be open to it, I may not. I doubt she'll get there and don't care. I only care now about getting ME to a better place. This past 6 weeks has really put me on the right road. I still have work to do, but I can see the person I am finally becoming. And I like him! I'm beginning to see things in me that I have admired in others. I'm not exactly comfortable with these new traits/actions, but I am becoming more so each day.
Oh, the 64k question...I will be happier with OR without her. She has no bearing on my future happiness. I can forgive her. I kind of already have, but not completely. But I see it happening before long. Once I get settled again and find my way. In her heart she is a good person. She is confused, lonely, depressed, lost, basically FUBAR. She is doing what she can to be happy, but has no idea what that is or how to do it. She even said she thought A would give her comfort, but she did not feel any better afterwards. It wasn't about me, it was about her being in thsi very lonely place and reaching for help desperately. I think that is why I will forgive rather quickly. I feel sorry for her. I hope she finds some people to help her through in a good way. she will not have me to help her. If she really rwached out and wanted to talk, not even about R, just about where she is at, I would listen. She knows this, but is trying so hard to move on and not rely on me. she leaned on me more than I guess I realized and it hurts her that she is losing (pushing) that. I saw her moving past US much faster than me. Today I believe that I will be the one that moves on sooner. Not that it's a race. But this has freed me from hope, and given me a new hope fro a new future. I'm scared to death of it, but embracing what opportunities are waiting for me.
Thank you all for your support! I'll be back soon when my emotions bring me crashing down