dlt1, I have tried to reply to you 3 times, but the I couldn't find the words to say, so I've been praying that God would give me those words, and so this is what I have, I hope you can find some peace in it.
As you know, I know all too well, the pain, shock and anger you are going through, right now. If you check out my first few posts you will see that, and that was a few months into the separation and OM #3, but I must say you are handling it better than I did, so I commend you on that.
Once the initial shock wears off, and believe me, it will take a while, (feeling betrayed is almost unbearable) you will be able to think more clearly. Your W, has proven that is something she is not even trying to do.
Right now, she is in the phase that she wants anyone, but you. But once the new wears off of the A, she will stop and see some things, it has taken my W, almost 5 months to start to wake up, but in almost every interaction with her, I see it, so believe me, yours will too.
The decision to DB after an A, whether it is EA or PA, is a tough one, one that you have to make on your own time. And I think if you give your W an ultimatum at this time, you will only push her straight into the arms of the OM. But then again, you know her better than I do.
As for you, if you think that you are ready to make the decision to D, after 48 hrs. then by all means do what you think is right, but I would like to share this with you.
I also had the chance to file for D, before my W did, and after the separation, and heavily considered it, but I stopped and thought is this really what I wanted? I knew that if I D'ed her, that we would never be able to have a new R. So as for me I couldn't bring myself to do it. Although with W, constant bad choices when it comes to the kids, sometimes, I wish I had.
Now, I don't know the laws, where you are at, but here, I was told by an attorney (after W had already filed) that if I had initiated the D, I would be in control of it. I could stop it, if I wanted to. So maybe you filing for it, might be in your best interest. Who knows, once you serve her D papers, that could be the huge wake up call she needs.
I am just asking you to let the shock wear off, and come at this logically, don't let your emotions get the better of you. Weigh out both sides, and go with the one that will be to your benefit.
First of all, get rid of the anger, it will cloud your mind, and judgement, get it out and the forget it, then deal with the pain and hurt, let yourself cry and breakdown, feel it, and let it go.
A good idea is if you can, wait and talk with your C, before doing anything legally. is there an emergency number you can reach them? let them help you deal with your emotions, so you can come at this from a logical stand point.
My friend, things just got more mixed up and confusing for you, the roller-coaster ride has really begun, Unfortunately, on the DB'ing road, there are many up and downs, new ones spring up as we go, but I know that you will come out of this smiling, like you said, Just remember you are not alone. Take care.
