It's hard to describe here, but you ever get the sense that someone wants to talk but is holding back because they're afraid of what you're going to say? I just reread what I wrote and it does sound pushy, but, really -- and after the last few days I think I can tell the difference now \:\) -- it wasn't. It was more of a "I'm not in a bad mood, it's ok for us to just have a normal conversation" thing. And we did have a nice dinner with the girls after.
Hi Heimlich--
I've just started to read your new post, and this attracted my attention. I've never been sure myself about how I should interact with my husband. What you wrote here reminded me of something posted by Just-me---something very interesting, I thought:
Quote:
We were separated only 4 months or so before she filed for divorce. Is was very amicable. We sat down and discussed the terms, the divorce was written up by her lawyer, and I signed them. That was it...marriage over.
We actually never stopped seeing each other. From the time she moved out we saw each other quite frequently. We'd go to dinner, movies, go for walks, play tennis, she'd come over to help with housework or to hang out, she'd swing by some nights just to talk, and that continued through and after the divorce. We actually were seeing much less of each other in maybe 3-4 months after the divorce. I had started dating and stopped perseverating on whether we'd ever be a couple again. I'd resigned myself to the fact that we wouldn't. Then, about 6 months after the divorce was final she called me up crying and wondered if I'd think about trying again. After about a month of her "thinking" or whatever, she stayed the night and has stayed every night since. That was in Jan of 2006. We got married again this June.
GoneDancin, it really is up to her what happens next. My wife frequently initiated opportunities to get together, but so did I, because they were usually accepted. If I asked if she wanted to do something she usually did. That's not to say that it was that great of a plan. I think she was relieved when I started to get more distance and started seeing other people. I don't think I gave her enough breathing room, but we did get along really well. I think a healthy dose of interaction and a healthy dose of distance would be best. But how much, if any, contact you have will be up to her. Hopefully you'll be someone she enjoys being around and will initiate opportunities to get together. If not, you can try to create some opportunities.
It sounds like the friendship just never really faded out in this case---that the couple basically talked as friends, just as before---and that this worked out well.
