See my thread locked and decided to make a move. Feel like this is the place for me.
here's the last page of my last thread..... my last thread
So, I am feeling GREAT again. That wasn't so bad. I feel very detached. YAY!!!
Met with H for breakfast today. First time I'd seen him since April. Last time I met with him and he was acting human was at the end of March... and that meeting was the first time I had seen him since he left at the end of October last year. So, it's been 10 months I have been living alone. Well, with my doggies.
I had borrowed his truck for the afternoon today, so when I returned it and he was driving me home he asked if he could come in and say hi to the dogs. He had got to see them this morning when he picked me up, but I still let him. hehee. It's actually nice to see that he didn't get all emotional about it. I always had the feeling that was strictly guilt, so I think that's a good thing.
Some highlights from tonight.....
I told him that this afternoon I'd recalled telling him in a phone convo we'd had (when he was struggling with forgiving himself... sometime in the last couple months), that I personally didn't think he'd be able to forgive himself until he stopped being a jerk... and how I believe now that he will find the peace and healing he is wanting (he'd talked about this this a.m.) soon, but it just hasn't been that long since he stopped living his life the way he was.
Also told him that I am eager (though I wasn't impatient about this... just cool and confident, felt very at peace... was very light... so much so that it made me feel pretty great afterward, ) to move forward, and that I would like to come up with solutions that will be good for both him and myself. Told him I have really heard him in the past and again today when he talks about wanting to have some money to live on. He was quick to say "I'm fine, really, I'm okay, just need to be able to be frustrated with it sometimes." I responded that I get that and feel like I understand, but that it's also for me... that I have not been so good at looking out for what is good for me and that I am tired of being in this limbo. He then said "we'll talk", with a smile. lol. I just smiled (knowing this is so typical, him trying to put this off) and said okay, 'cause I'm really ready to move forward. I told him I thought about some of the things he said today and think I understand but that they just didn't feel right for me... that I am really excited to move forward with my life. There could be no mistaking that I really am, with my attitude and mood.
Me: 37 M: 14 yrs Separated 10/06; Filed for D 12/07 Life is good.
) to move forward, and that I would like to come up with solutions that will be good for both him and myself. Told him I have really heard him in the past and again today when he talks about wanting to have some money to live on. He was quick to say "I'm fine, really, I'm okay, just need to be able to be frustrated with it sometimes." I responded that I get that and feel like I understand, but that it's also for me... that I have not been so good at looking out for what is good for me and that I am tired of being in this limbo. He then said "we'll talk", with a smile. lol. I just smiled (knowing this is so typical, him trying to put this off) and said okay, 'cause I'm really ready to move forward. I told him I thought about some of the things he said today and think I understand but that they just didn't feel right for me... that I am really excited to move forward with my life. There could be no mistaking that I really am, with my attitude and mood.