DL I know your emotions, have felt them before. Pain. Rage. Humiliation. The desire to inflict that pain back at her. Guilt. Despair. Loss. A loss of ego. A sense of not being good enough.
It'll take time, but the decision to have an A is HER decision. You contributed to her feeling like she could go there, but the decision to pull the trigger is all on her. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT THAT SHE SCREWED ANOTHER MAN! Once the anger subsides, you'll feel a little of that, especially since DBing opens your eyes to what you've done wrong in your M. Again, the A is her decision and all her decision.
Do what you feel you need to do. However,
"My pain is that I still love her. I hate that i do, but i do."
Alright -- here's the $64K question -- are you going to be happier with her or without her? Can you forgive her?
If the answer is yes to both, take a day. Calm down. Meet with her. Tell her that you still care for her and that you believe your M can survive and be stronger than before, but that she has to drop the OM (I'm assuming your not going to be able to work on the R if she's still seeing him). Check out the Marriage Builders site. There are some really good articles on affairs and why they happen there.
If she says no, well, start the D proceedings if that is your boundary.
Try to be as nice as possible about the D, if you go that route. Anger is just going to make you miserable.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
