need help to win back WAW

[DaveJ]

Yeah, it's like now I have a goal and a purpose. I am pumped. Talked to W tonight. Seems pretty positive. She is happy that I finally have a different attitude. I told her that I'm not going to just lay down with this. She means everything to me and I will go down fighting. I will not lose her. That is just unacceptable to me. Maybe my PMA will influence her a little and get her out of her down. She has been pretty mad at me for "ruining" her family visit by talking about R. So she stops saying ILY cuz she's mad at me. Talk about women holding a grudge. I'd never stop saying that even if I'm mad at her. That's how I feel no matter what. Oh well I digress. She seems to be in a much better mood and even laughing a bit at the end of the conversation. So I guess that's good. Still no ILY but oh well. Doesn't bother me as much as before. She's probably still a bit upset with me.

I swear I feel like I am on a sugar high or something. Of course it does help when you actually eat food. I do hope she appreciates the letter. I sure meant every word I said in there. Mom called after reading the email, was very supportive. That's a surprise. She says I'm just like my father and basically that whole side of the family. Never think about other people much. I confess I have been in a bubble and not thinking about the W which got me in this hole in the first place. She also blamed a bit on herself for not teaching me "people skills". Ah well, I learned it the hard way myself and hope it's not too late.

I'm not really religious at all. Agnostic. But on the way to Homedepot in order to recollect my sanity this afternoon I decided that I could be open to that. If I take care of myself, maybe God will take care of the rest. So I will just work on me and let go of control for anything else. I will trust in God to take care of me if I work on myself. That's detaching right? Just focus on me and the kids. I don't even feel so distraught not seeing the kids for so long anymore. I will look forward to them coming home on Tues, but I'm not gonna go crazy over it just cuz they aren't here right now.

I just want to thank everyone for their continuous support and words of wisdom. I couldn't have held onto my sanity without you guys. So thanks! Here's hoping that my PMA continues, I win back my W, and I never have to go down the path of D if I can help it.