I have been doing the road warrior thing for a couple of days; am currently at a conference in Chicago. I have decided for my birthday (tommorow) to play a little hookie and go up to the huge Sam Ash (music retailer) store here on the North Shore. I'm going to play ten or so of the finest guitars they have, accoustic and electric. No, I'm not buying one...yet!
This is sort of a "lesson 2" excersise to kick off my "Purpose of my life " quest. I have several half-finished songs written. I'm going to go ahead and finish them up, copyright them and publish. I'll post them on my thread when I get them done.
In thinking about why this never gets done, I've come to realize that it's not so much that I'm afraid they're no good,(I think they're great, and I'm fine with that). It's just that in writing them I have exposed more of myself than I am comfortable with. I have left them in this semi-finished state because that way I could always have a reason not to play them out, exposing myself to the audience to that degree.
I have come to realize a couple of things regarding my music.
I have placed so great a value on my W's regard (or lack of it) that I literally cannot play for her and her alone. I cannot share my single greatest joy with her, because I have placed such a high value on her approval that I couldn't bear to expose that much of me and have her respond with anything less than enthusiasm. (Me? Enmeshed? Nah...)
I can, however, play for a large crowd, friends, family, strangers, and her, with aplomb. I extremely rarely get to that wide open point I do when alone because usually this is with a band on my electric guitar. It is a completely different vibe.
Corri, you're right. This is way hard. I really don't have a specific purpose for my life, just kind of a general direction.
I do know, after reading this over, that a major yardstick for me will be when I can sit down and play my W my songs one on one. That will be my measure of progress toward integration.
LM
LM
Lucky me, I could have been someone else FOREVER! Whew, that was close!
