What might she really be communicating?

[built4speed]

I would say a few things. I think you are doing very well not pressuring too much. I think you are doing well reading and going to counseling.

I would suggest that you need to wait for her to come to you. Read this link for additional advice.

Two other things. You are doing this already, but you need to really work on the GAL. You can't push her to do things with you, so you need to pull her. Become such a fun guy that she is curious and wants to follow you. Don't bother asking her to do thing. She is refusing anyway. You have to wait for her.

The other is: someone posted recently that they didn't get anywhere until they truly gave up the relationship and were moving on without the spouse before the spouse decided to reconcile. It can't be an act. You aren't at that point now but if she just won't come around, you might need to just move to Plan B.

Keep in mind you're only a few months into this and it will take years to fix it (my D will be final next week after over three years).

Good luck.