I was wondering whether it is necessary for two people in a stand-off to get to the point of throwing up their hands and giving up before progress can be made. Is it necessary to always have to reach bottom before things improve, because, as you know, at the bottom one or the other is likely to walk out. So why go there if it can be avoided. Savvy?
I feel like I hit bottom in my relationship probably a few days before I joined this BB. I was doing much better when my relationship ended. The fact is not everyone can become more differentiated and stay married. However, not everyone can stay fused and stay married either. (I'm sure you know plenty of people who are still fused to ex-spouses) So why not become more differentiated since it's the only hope for a decent marriage?
If my 2bx were to become more differentiated, I would naturally be willing to reconcile with him. Because, as far as I can ascertain, he hasn't become more differentiated, the boundaries I would maintain if we tried to reconcile would send him bouncing right out of the relationship again. Maybe it isn't a matter of hitting bottom so much as finally BEING more differentiated rather than just ACTING more differentiated. One of the catch phrases in the dating advice books is "Don't play hard to get. Be hard to get." Same sort of thing that is hard to see until you see it.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
