need help to win back WAW

[NikB]

Dave - haven't read much of your sitch before but wanted to drop in and mention one thing on this:

I just asked her if she's trying to be positive about us today and she just blew up. I wasn't trying to talk about our relationship at all.

As soon as you ask anything about "us" it's an R talk... I know, kinda sucks, but it is. Keep working at the GAL and detaching. Your list of goals is great!!

While you're bored and lonely, here's a way to bring the focus back to you: break down those personal short term ones into actions, and start taking those actions. (hoping this helps all 3 of you who seem to be following each other's sitches):

1. I will continue to nurture my relationship with my kids and concentrate on keeping their lives as normal as possible throughout this ordeal.
How?
What will you do (specifically!) to do this?

2. I will be the best father I can be to my kids
What does this look like?
How do you put this into action?

3. I will learn to actively listen.
How?
Got any friends, family, etc. you can "practice" this on?
Any plans to see an IC, or do you think you have a handle on this on your own?

4. I will excercise and keep myself healthy.
Good! What exercise specifically? How often? Any FUN exercise that you can work in, maybe with a social aspect too (ride bikes w/friends or something)?
What else do you need to do to keep yourself healthy? (a tip if you're in the "can barely eat" stage - protein shakes worked for me, it was the only thing I could keep down for weeks)

5. I will relax and enjoy life and have fun.
What will you do to relax?
What do you enjoy in life that you will do?
What fun things are you planning? (and give yourself some deadlines or they'll just stretch out forever)

6. I will focus at work and do the best I can do. My family needs me to have a job.
What will help you focus?
What's the best that you can do? Can you even strive for a little bit better? (I know, TOUGH during these times)
Do you have work goals? Maybe a good time to write some for there, too.

7. I will Get a Life and try to meet new friends
What are you going to do to get a life?
Where and how do you plan to meet new friends?
(one suggestion if you're really stuck on this one, try meetup.com. I've met a lot of really neat people that way! It's not a singles group, you join whatever groups you're interested in).

8. I will be genuine with my wife and be the good husband I should be
Be careful with this one... it can look really manipulative, and especially if your W doesn't WANT you as an H right now, what looks like a "good H" to you may really drive her over the edge.

Be genuine yes, but don't expect her to be your best friend, emotional support, etc. unless she's ready to do that (and if she's saying she wants a sep, she's not at that place right now).

9. I will be the best friend I can be for my wife and make it to be fun and pleasant to be around me.
The best friend may or may not work for either of you - you can try it and see what happens but you may need to detach more than that (possibly for her sake, possibly for yours).
What things will you do to make it fun and pleasant to be around you? (PMA may actually be all you need for this right now, depending on how much you interact).