If you think detachment is about not worrying for the other person then you are just in denial about whatever is keeping YOU in the relationship, unless you are Jesus.
Detachment does not mean you don't worry about the other, it just means you stop feeling responsible for the other person's feelings, which is what I mean by "dump their sense of responsibility." It does not mean the end of empathy.
I bet if you considered most of the other members of the BB you could make a guess about what might be keeping them in their relationships besides concern for their spouse. How are you different?
Of course we stay in relationships out of concern for ourselves and to avoid the fear of leaving the relationship. I actually think concern for the spouse is much farther down the list, for everyone on this board. Where did you get the impression that my concern for my wife was any higher? Now my concern for my kids is very high, so in that way I have an interest in my wife's functioning, for their sake.
I really don't know where you are going with this. Are you God and is your wife the Bowery Street Bum?
I was wondering whether it is necessary for two people in a stand-off to get to the point of throwing up their hands and giving up before progress can be made. Is it necessary to always have to reach bottom before things improve, because, as you know, at the bottom one or the other is likely to walk out. So why go there if it can be avoided. Savvy?
