Short of that the problem will never be solved. It's divorce time, lump it and live with it time, or come to a mutual agreement about finding some on the side time.
I have no desire to reconcile with my 2bx but from my HD-who-ended -it post-separation POV, I would say that what would have worked best would have been to incrementally move towards living my life as though I was heading towards divorce and/or getting some on the side because in order to make these changes I would have had to erect and enforce some boundaries that I did a lame job with when I was in "save the marriage" or "get some action from LD spouse" mode. I should note that the concept of just trying to "get a life" within your marriage that will reconcile you to the lack of sex is, IMO, not good enough. The analogy I will use is that right now you and your wife are like a couple sitting at a table at a party. You want to dance and your wife doesn't. What you need to do is everything necessary to bring yourself to the point that you will go out on to the dance floor by yourself or be ready to ask another woman to dance (I am not in any way suggesting adultery of any form). Don't kid yourself that you will be happier or sexier if you remain at the table and amuse yourself by folding the napkins into origami shapes.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
