GGB No sense for more blind leading the blind (hee hee, didn't even realize the pun on my screen name there until after I posted) So it is true, wack off too much you go blind?
Thanks Corri, and I forgive you for your Buckeye's handing my Wolverines their asses the past few years but there is always this year right ?
By the way, do you get paid for all your good advice on here ? If so, where do I send the check !!!
I'm going to have to take your advice and just do anything that might get my mind away for awhile. When you started talking about energy levels, it really hit home. I've been trying to jump through hoops to help save our marriage and it's probably doing more harm than good. It seems to sap any energy that I have, so instead of being the humorous fun-loving guy that I usually am, I feel down and start to withdraw.
I know it's the thing to do to help salvage our marriage but it's just really hard to just let go and go do things that make my happy. I feel as though I should be trying to do more things with the wife to try and bring us closer instead of out having fun myself. I sense that if I don't do something to help us then nobody will because the wife seems to feel that the problems we are having is my problem instead of both of ours.
Thanks again Corri, I don't know you but it's really reassuring to know that there are people like you out there that take other's matters to heart and try to help them out.
I have been doing the road warrior thing for a couple of days; am currently at a conference in Chicago. I have decided for my birthday (tommorow) to play a little hookie and go up to the huge Sam Ash (music retailer) store here on the North Shore. I'm going to play ten or so of the finest guitars they have, accoustic and electric. No, I'm not buying one...yet!
This is sort of a "lesson 2" excersise to kick off my "Purpose of my life " quest. I have several half-finished songs written. I'm going to go ahead and finish them up, copyright them and publish. I'll post them on my thread when I get them done.
In thinking about why this never gets done, I've come to realize that it's not so much that I'm afraid they're no good,(I think they're great, and I'm fine with that). It's just that in writing them I have exposed more of myself than I am comfortable with. I have left them in this semi-finished state because that way I could always have a reason not to play them out, exposing myself to the audience to that degree.
I have come to realize a couple of things regarding my music.
I have placed so great a value on my W's regard (or lack of it) that I literally cannot play for her and her alone. I cannot share my single greatest joy with her, because I have placed such a high value on her approval that I couldn't bear to expose that much of me and have her respond with anything less than enthusiasm. (Me? Enmeshed? Nah...)
I can, however, play for a large crowd, friends, family, strangers, and her, with aplomb. I extremely rarely get to that wide open point I do when alone because usually this is with a band on my electric guitar. It is a completely different vibe.
Corri, you're right. This is way hard. I really don't have a specific purpose for my life, just kind of a general direction.
I do know, after reading this over, that a major yardstick for me will be when I can sit down and play my W my songs one on one. That will be my measure of progress toward integration.
LM
LM
Lucky me, I could have been someone else FOREVER! Whew, that was close!
I know what I am suggesting here, and all this talk about 'energy' balance, seems very esoteric and philosophical. But for those of you who have attempted what's been suggested, it seems as though you are coming to experience that it is far from being esoteric. It's dam hard... and sometimes stunning to realize how 'little' we know about ourselves. As LM pointed out, which my shrink pointed out to me, over and over, a lot of us just live the life that seems to unfold in front of us in a kind of 'general direction' type way. I know I did. And then I'd wonder why I wasn't really happy with the way things were going.
LM, I think it is outstanding that you are pursuing your musical passion, and further, that you actually understand the fear(? -- hesitancy, reluctance?) that comes from possibly exposing your passions to the world, or even those most important to you. That is vulnerability.
But... that is the whole point of the exercise.
GGB, yes, you get it. Stick with it.
IM0807:
Quote:
I know it's the thing to do to help salvage our marriage but it's just really hard to just let go and go do things that make my happy. I feel as though I should be trying to do more things with the wife to try and bring us closer instead of out having fun myself. I sense that if I don't do something to help us then nobody will because the wife seems to feel that the problems we are having is my problem instead of both of ours.
Again, this IS actually a constructive, concrete thing you are doing to help your M, in a positive way. You are not constantly hammering on the problems and issues.
Sometimes what we need to do to draw us closer to our spouses is the most counter-intuitive thing we could imagine. But think of it this way. Giving them space is exactly what is needed sometimes to infuse oxygen into the R... oxygen that was being 'snuffed' out by our 'suffocating' behaviors. Behaviors that stem from the our honest intent to be close, but which is in fact... too close.
Keep going, y'all. And keep posting here about your thoughts, attempts and progresses/setbacks. Doing so is as important as any other part of this exercise.
OK, I am getting a little better at recognizing my feelings. The alone feeling feels like an emptiness inside my ribcage, for example. Not sure what to do with these feelings really. I know keeping them bottled up wlll lead to resentment and will eventually cause me to implode. Letting them out sets MrsGGB off into a tailspin, saying she must be a dissappointment, is a lousy wife etc. I guess I got to let them out calmly and rationally and then not get sucked into her [censored]. Hmm, tall order.
As to what makes me happy, well, I've got a ways to go on that. A quiet sunny morning makes me happy, and since MrsGGB isn't a morning person, it has been a while since I've gotten up and enjoyed one (note to self, sounds like something to do really soon). Flying makes me happy as long as I don't start feeling guilty for spending the money, which with the price of Avgas and the 14 gallons per hour the airplane burns, well that adds up to a lot of dough. I get a high off of planning/designing something and then making it work. I also am happy solving puzzles (I've become somewhat of a Suduko junkie. The one in the paper is MINE, and nobody better touch it). I've still got a ton of soul searching to do. I haven't a clue as to my purpose.
OK, I am getting a little better at recognizing my feelings. The alone feeling feels like an emptiness inside my ribcage, for example. Not sure what to do with these feelings really. I know keeping them bottled up wlll lead to resentment and will eventually cause me to implode.
This is excellent!
But remember, just because you have a feeling does not mean that you have to act on it.
Part of recognizing your feelings and where you are feeling is the act of NOT bottling them up. In the time that it takes you to say to yourself... "I'm feeling... lonely... lonely is occurring inside my rib cage..." is you actually honoring the feeling.
Now you get to make a decision, independently of the feeling, on what actions you will now take, or not take. Instead of just spewing all that feeling on Mrs. GGB, you can go for a walk, you can go write about your feelings in a journal... lots of things. I'm sure you'll find that once you have identified an emotion, and where it is located, it takes about 10 minutes for it's intensity to subside. That's what is called allowing the emotion to flow through you.
It does not solve issues of what may be causing your 'alone' feelings, but the feeling itself doesn't get to prompt any action or reaction, if you choose not to allow it. I can talk a little bit more about this later... but the point is... you don't 'stuff' the alone feeling and 'pretend' your happy, just because Mrs. GGB can't handle it, and you don't 'spew' your emotions on the world just because YOU can't handle them.
I gotta scram right now, but I kind of went through this yesterday with my ex. I'll post more later.
