"Sadly, I think your only option is to LRT (Last Resort Technique: see DB or DR... I thought DR was the better of the two when in separation and divorce)."
I am there,going dark grey keeping the face to face to an absolute min...email/text is my new friend
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"Do NOT be angry, blaming, BITTER (that's the big one to avoid!!!), or mean. The divorce is probably going to go through because of the time. But do not poison that relationship. WORK ON FRIENDSHIP. Even if only for the kids. They really need that."
Every day /moment I have to forgive and give it to God,keeping my heart open to healing...the friendship thing,I am just working on being friendly...
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"And don't date or go crazy!!"
...What the heck is date ? I know...trying to create the mystery...got any ideas ?
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"Do you have a great lawyer?"
..if there where lawyer allstars in our state he would be an MVP...
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"What's the custody???"
...shared...half/half...but since I stayed in our home the kids come to the house every day after school...this allows me to see them almost every day...if push came to shove I could be the primary care giver, but I am not pushing it...
Thanks ...SorryDog
Me 47 W 42 D 20 S 18 D 13 S 11 Married 17 yrs Asked for D Mothers Day PA found out on 6/14/07 W filed D 7/3/07 D court date 9/10/07 W moved out 7/17/07
Start looking HOT. Work out at the gym, lose weight if you need to, lift weights, buy new, more stylish and attractive clothes. If you have any grey get your hair colored, maybe highlights, go for an attractive style, shave a mustache or grow one, look at ads in magazines and try to emulate how some of the models look or dress. If you have a friend or relative who is good at style let them help... looking good helps one feel good and it sometimes get's the WAS doing a double take and thinking... hummmm... he's looking good... and then later.... why is he looking so good?
That will help with mystery. Also, being BUSY and HAPPY.
I know you are probaby feeling completely shattered inside. But the brain is powerful. By thinking positive and happy, you can make yourself happy. You can choose happiness or unhappiness. For you and for your kids choose happiness. And here's something difficult that may help.... Be loving, strong, happy and supportive to your wife when you do see her. Tell her that you "wish her happiness." This generosity, selflessness and giving will mean a lot. And she will be losing it. (This does not mean to be generous or selfless legally or finanically... only emotionally).
Also, if there's any VERY REMOTE chance of this divorce not going through. She won't stop it if there's bitterness, blame or unhappiness. You, your family, and your home have to appear, and feel, like the "best" place to be. Make it wonderful...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
...this one makes me laugh..did you see my pics ?....I did shave the goatee and left the stash & tuf...more stylish look...what do you do with a mix of golf pro/basketball coach ?...I will have to recruit a friend w/ some style... I am running and lifting a bit harder, which helps get the mind right...my poor lab is going to be one fit pup..
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That will help with mystery.
...can I just read a mystery ?...this one throws me for a loop...
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Be loving, strong, happy and supportive to your wife when you do see her. Tell her that you "wish her happiness." This generosity, selflessness and giving will mean a lot. And she will be losing it.
...this is the one I have taken a concentrated effort on...I look to the story of the prodigal son...the Father sent him on his way with everything the son desired and probaly gave him a pat on the back on his way out the door...easier said than done, but I think you are right being selfless,so,so key...
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Also, if there's any VERY REMOTE chance of this divorce not going through. She won't stop it if there's bitterness, blame or unhappiness. You, your family, and your home have to appear, and feel, like the "best" place to be. Make it wonderful...
...Profound I never thought like this...I am trying to get out of the way of herself/guilt so she might come to herself and wake up form the spell she is in...
Good Stuff...thanks for the encouragement and to do list...SorryDog
It is funny. I do look better now that I GAL but sometimes I feel childish. Like I am the one going through a MLC trying to replay my teen years! I think I let myself go after having a baby so I am just compensating for that and getting back to normal. My cousin saw me after three years and said, "Why don't you try to work out and get a facial? You were so beautiful before!" This is AFTER I covered my grey and dropped two dress sizes. So I do have a long way to go but I feel great. But I feel happy in my sloppy jeans and t shirts too. I do not want to compete with a teenager. I want to stay the cougar that I am!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
...wow!!!.. that is a great word picture..kind of scarey ...I am not sure what I am ?...just a SorryDog
Last edited by SorryDog; 08/22/0710:17 PM.
Me 47 W 42 D 20 S 18 D 13 S 11 Married 17 yrs Asked for D Mothers Day PA found out on 6/14/07 W filed D 7/3/07 D court date 9/10/07 W moved out 7/17/07
Sorry for the TV joke. I really do not watch that much TV anymore! Cougars vs. Kittens is a term from a dating show that pitted 20 somethings against 40 somethings. My friends and I joked that we are all cougars as we are approaching 40!
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
Mkultra, The reality about this is there's no competition between a 20yr old and a 40 yr old. Number one we're past the "having babies" stage so we have more than 75% of our energies to devote to a guy!!! (lucky them!!!), we're more secure, more confident, certain of ourselves, have more wisdom, more money, often healther, more experience in the sack... sheesh what can be BETTER then all that???!!!!
BTW, Sorry dog, I just want to share one thing with you. I have met a surpising amount of people who have divorced and then a few years later remarried. I can't say that would happen in your case, but it's not as rare or unusual as you would think. Hang in there buddy. Keep to the high road (you will always know you did your best to keep it together), and always behave in a manner so she will look back at some point and realize she gave up the best thing she ever had....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
