Need advice on WAW with OM

[svejk]

Today my son's girlfriend called me because she was trying to contact my wife regarding some important papers she needed faxed to her immediately. She couldn't get a hold of my wife so she asked me if I could try.

I called my wife and she answered, "What! I'm busy, what do you want!". At this point I was more than a little angry, but I calmly let her know the situation and said goodbye.

After thinking about it a few minutes I decided I wasn't going to take anymore of her treating me like that just because she knows she can.

I called her back and angrily said, "I'm not going to take the way you treat me anymore when I'm the one helping you out! You have no right or cause to talk to me the way you do. I've had enough of it!"

She apologized a couple of times and I said goodbye.

It's my own fault because I'm always there for her and she takes complete advantage of it and thanks me by treating me like crap.

Although I know I need to decline helping her in some situations, it's very difficult to put into practice. Since these situations are the only time we have contact lately, my irrational fear is that she will stop calling me altogether and I will completely lose contact with her.

But then I also sometimes vacillate to the other extreme where I would like to just tell her, "I'm done with you," and just walk away and she what happens. I know this is not a recommended DBing technique, but sometimes I think it may just wake up my wife and make her think about life without me. Of course, I would have to be ready for it to really end if I said this, and I'm not ready for that.

She has told me several times that she is afraid of losing me, but I think she knows she doesn't really have to worry about it because I haven't told her it's over, and she knows I don't want it to end. I don't know how she will ever get the idea that I won't be waiting for her forever unless I do something drastic. I have pretty much implemented GAL and I don't call her, but she calls me.

Even if I stop responding to some of her calls and denying some of her requests, I have no confidence that this will even phase her now. It took me a few months to get to the point where I stopped begging/pleading and GAL, and I'm afraid it will take her months to see these changes are permanent.

This is without a doubt the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with in my life, and I have a lot of respect for all of you here you have been at it for so long. Hopefully I can keep it up and stop making mistakes.

Svejk