No, I would not regard her as weak. She has a lot of confidence that she can take care of herself, as that was what she had to do to survive. That gives her strength, along with a lot of anger. I also think she has a lot of justified fear which in turned served as her motivation to strengthen herself.
Therefore, if you allowed yourself to be vulnerable in relation to her you would be acting in opposition to your trust of another person.
I think I know what you are saying but I think you are mixing up strength/weakness with faith or no faith. The two are not he same. There are plenty of weak people who have faith. With faith, all you have to do is say “I believe” and you are there. Nothing else to, just take the leap. Once you do, it feels good because you have absolved yourself of responsibility for worrying about your future. You leave it in the hands of God.
No wonder so many people feel lifted and unburdened, full of the spirit, when finding the Lord. IMO all they did was to dump their sense of responsibility. You get the same feeling from capitulation by just letting go of all worries over whatever the consequences might be. Successful detachment is the same thing – not worrying for the other person and dumping that burden. I don’t think any of that has to do with strength or weakness.
Therefore the strength you would need in order to be vulnerable in relation to your wife would have to come from you. You can be weak and still have the ability to put your trust in someone you perceive to be strong. Vulnerable is to weak as strong is to guarded.
From my POV, I can be the weakest person in the world and still take a leap of faith to place my vulnerability in the hands of my wife, or God. My earlier point was that faith is related to trust. If you feel you have been betrayed by God and have been conditioned to believe that He will not protect you, then it is hard to trust Him or put your faith in Him or anyone else. A weak or strong person can have his or her faith shattered in this way (there may be some difference in how you and I use the terms “weak” and “strong.”)
The 12 Step method seems to revolved around the addict falling to such a low level that s/he cannot no longer depend on him/herself for comfort or safety. When there is no trust even in yourself, then who can you turn too? That point seems to be when the idea of making the leap of faith to God becomes a no-lose proposition. Once all seems lost, what else is there to lose by placing your faith in a God, even if you don’t trust Him? It’s worth a shot, right? To me, this is the point of capitulation. Is it necessary to reach a similar point in a relationship before one person is willing to trust another, to make the leap of faith?
I don’t think Christian missionaries wait for such opportunities to convert non-believers to Christianity. Maybe they have a model that is worth exploring?
However, sometimes avoidant fusion can look like lack of relation.
I’m thinking that avoidant fusion IS a lack of relation, unless I don’t understand your meaning of avoidant fusion.
