You've come a long way, CM. And of course, in 2 weeks you'll be going a long way too. IT's really wonderful that you and H are getting along so well. Try to replace the bad memories with happy ones. It really does work. Dwelling on the affair just keeps it alive in both of your minds.
Sometimes, like I've said before, things sneak in that he said or did during the D sitch and it just still absolutely floors me that MY H did/said those things
I have to say I know exactly how you feel here. It sometimes seems so mind-boggling that they could have gone to such a place.
But things sound really good now between both of you. I'm glad he's answering questions you have, and I do think you both can have a stronger and better marriage after all of this.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Literally felt like I was going insane yesterday. I don't get enough alone time and even after the boys go to bed, I'm either exhausted or still have things to do around the house. It's neverending.
Oh well, feeling better today. The hotel H booked us in fell through -- they actually were booked so we've booked at another one. Very expensive, but I think it's worth it. It's getting so close neither one of us can barely stand it.
I think I'm done w/ R talks for awhile now. I know that he knows how I feel and how the whole sitch hurt me. I have all the details I need or want regarding OW. I'm not worried about her anymore and I'm not worried about whether H is going to cheat again. I need to just move on from here. I know I will have days & times where the entire sitch may bother me, but I need to just start moving forward. H wants ME and our M and that is what matters now. I have healed quite a bit from the whole sitch and I know the best healing will come from me just being positive and so very thankful that we are where we are now and that it will just continue to get better.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I'm glad you're feeling better today. And that you have a vacation to look forward to! Sometimes that's all I need to make it through the exhausting stuff...something fun and relaxing on the horizon.
Your direction is the right one--it's a constant process to keep reminding yourself that healing will come from focusing on the now and building it back up a brick at a time.
Hey, guys, not much to report I guess. It's hard to have anything to report when H isn't even here, LOL It's hard to believe that I can actually say that I'm going to be w/ my H in Korea NEXT WEEK.
However, I'm so very lonely. I have to admit that I almost got sucked into an EA of my own. I know, I know, bring out the 2 x 4's, please. I guess the one good thing that came out of it was that I now understand how easy it is and therefore was for H to get into one. Also lucky that I could see what was starting to happen though too and stop it before it really started. I am still so vulnerable after the whole D sitch, the blow to my self-esteem, everything that went along w/ it, the continued insecurities coupled w/ the fact that my H isn't even here right now for a whole year. I'm not making excuses and I am no longer having any contact w/ this guy. I truly was innocent of the fact that anything was going to start -- he actually is a friend of H's so I didn't think anything of it. Anyway, that's over w/ though.
Anyway, I guess I had to get that off my chest for some reason. You can now blow me away, but don't hate me for it. I truly didn't go to the dark side
Went to my 2nd belly dancing class. Am feeling a bit more comfortable. I felt so awkward the first time. I got a CD from the teacher and the boys had some fun dancing around the kitchen to it.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I don't think that would be a class I could do, everyone would be laughing too hard since I know I couldn't keep a straight face. But if helps you with GAL, more power to you.
Well, like I said, I felt really awkward. I've always been self conscious of my body no matter how thin I am at the time, which I did lose a lot of "baby weight" during the D sitch and am very thin again now. But that is exactly what made me go back. At first, since I felt so awkward & uncomfortable, I thought "maybe this isn't for me." Then I thought no, I know I can do this and I'm going to and I'm going to show myself that I can.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
It's hard to believe that I can actually say that I'm going to be w/ my H in Korea NEXT WEEK.