Was your heart beating a mile a minute when he was walking you to his bedroom????
I am curious.... after you said you loved him with all your heart and soul and followed it up with the explanation.... he takes you into his bedroom to look at pics on the puter?????? How did he act once you were in there???? Nervous at all.... Did the tone in his voice change at all.... Did he absently or blatently touch you at all. What I'm getting at is was there any little sign that he was responding to your impromptu visit.
I'm sure you've replayed it in your head over and over again already.... was there anything you missed in the rush of the moment?
Psa 51:10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
He took me into the bedroom and I sat next to him on his piano stool and we looked at pictures of our yard. I had my hand on his shoulder while he scrolled through. You have to understand that this in itself says a lot because of just what that house meant to him for his family when we bought it. That was one of the ways I hurt him the deepest, walking away from what he was most proud of. Taking me in there and looking at the pictures of the trees and baby deer in the yard is one way he is letting me back IN.
He grabbed my hand once when I was walking by him into D11's room. I don't remember what he said at the moment but that he grabbed my hand as I was walking by was like before things went south and I had MLC. He would stop me often back then to either say something or for a kiss.
No. My heart was actually NOT beating a mile a minute at all. I almost threw my shoes up on the way THERE, but once I was in the house, I was extremely calm. That's the peace that surpasses ALL understanding if I've EVER seen it!
The thing I am replaying today in my head is his statement regarding the refinance. He said it will "benefit us all".
NICE!!! You scored big on that drive. So what's the DB mantra about when you try something new and it has a positive outcome??? Oh ya, try doing more of it.
Quote:
Well, tonight I drop kicked "fear" right off the porch.
I love that! Fear NOTHING!!!!
Quote:
"it will benefit us all".
AmyC, if your H wanted a OW, or if he really did'nt want your family together, you'd know that for sure by now. Nope, he's waiting, still waiting for YOU. There are things he needs, wants to hear from your lips, from your heart, from your soul. He needs a foundation to stand on, a reason to trust you. I think you've just scratched through the surface.
Congrats!
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Amy I do have a question for you and didn't know if I should ask on your thread or mine.
How long do you think it took your H to get past his anger? Or has he yet?
His initial anger over it all I'd say had passed as I was coming out of MLC. He had completely detached and was moving on emotionally and mentally if nothing else.
Then you gotta remember, I stayed in the house fighting to save us for another 9 or 10 months before I took my grand swan dive when I posted myself on that "other" website in an effort to get his attention. He filed for separation after that and two months later I moved out of the house and he moved back in. That was 8 months ago and you know well my battles since then...
I know that, as I have, he has endured moments previously foreign to him - and that they have brought the anger back to the surface. I don't think anger goes away, I think it just changes into the regret that something so terrible happened but praise that it was for your good. That's what I think becomes of the anger. So it doesn't go away, it evolves but you both have to work at it. Mostly you, probably, too. I doubt very seriously my husband's anger has completely evolved.
((((Amy)))) Just catching up.....I am so excited for you and your H! Your attitude about it all is so...well, so "grounded". It looks to me like you are letting God lead the way...and you'll follow...and there you'll find your restored marriage. However, I was talking with FIB last week...and I told him that I don't think I will EVER say "my marriage is restored"....rather, it is "BEING restored"....FOREVER! I know that you know this is a journey....and you seem to be enjoying the view from wherever you are!
I'm just sooo happy for you!
Last edited by FaithfulH; 08/22/0703:53 PM.
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
Well, tonight I drop kicked "fear" right off the porch.
URRAAHH!! Ya know, sometimes that's just what it takes. Just get pissed, and kick that SOB right off the porch. Those thoughts that just keep popping into your head, the ones that say you CAN'T because.....it'll NEVER happen because....there's NOTHING you can do because...... It's crap I tell you, lies, deception at it deepest level.
They're not written on walls, or signs, or rule sheets. They're subtlely, carefully, planted in our hearts by one lying dog that relishes the shackles on us. The dog just ponders and waits until we become a little tired, and then he pounces, filling our minds with all sorts of lies, and turmoil.
That is where the real battle is fought my friends, deep within our own castle walls. Fight the good fight! Slay the deamons, kick the f??kers off the porch, and spit on them as you march victoriously on to righteousness, to humility, honesty, courage, strength and faith.
Fear NOTHING, and trust only in God, and His purpose for us.
Yeehaw I'm gonna kick some ass today!
Love,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
When I was on the drive over to the house last night, countless reasons why it was a stupid move kept popping up in my head. All the "water under the bridge" crap.... but you know what was really weird was that in the background of those thoughts was that song he played for me in May/June.
No one can ever tell me we are not given the tools to fight this crap before it happens. That was just one more and last night it made the difference between me biting the bullet and me turning that car around.
I Never Dreamed My daddy told me always be strong son Don't you ever cry You find the pretty girls and then you love them Then you say goodbye I never dreamed that you would leave me But now you're gone I never dreamed that I would miss you Woman won't you come back home
I never dreamed that you could hurt me And leave me blue I've had a thousand, maybe more But never one like you I never dreamed I could feel so empty But now I'm down I never dreamed that I would beg you Woman I need you now
It seems to me I took your love for granted It feels to me that this time I was wrong, so wrong Oh Lord now I feel so lonely I say woman won't you come back home
I tried to do what my daddy taught me But I think he knew Someday that I would find one woman like you I never dreamed that it could feel so good, Lord That two could be one I never knew about sweet love So woman won't you come back home Oh baby won't you come back home
You scored big on that drive. So what's the DB mantra about when you try something new and it has a positive outcome??? Oh ya, try doing more of it. 
