Thanks so much. Is that what you call it tough love? Then yes I am giving him lots of tough love. I did mention Rehab days before this comment and he says he does not need it he can stop on his own.... I hope so. But yeah sweetie I am not holding my breath. And also I am not going to hold his hand thru it. I will not enable " baby" him thru this anymore..... he needs to change like I need air to breathe.
When I said that to him @ the sh*t he puts in his body. I also said.... you fail to realize that when you cant get a drink the next day or you are hungover you suddenly HATE ME when the day before you loved me so, so much. But unlike you I do not fail to see this. So you can lie to yourself and keep this up or you can change. I also said....
You are such a COWARD the way you speak... what happened to you?
he asked what did you just say?
And I repeated it..... COWARD......
he again was speechless..... I am not holding my breath and yet I hope this new "tough love" will help get the ball rolling..... I have decided in my heart that he needs to change or this will end. I have cut the rope and I am not expecting him to change "JUST FOR ME" .
He needs to change because he wants to and because he ackowledges there is a problem.
IF NOT then it wont be genuine.... he needs to do it for him and then for his Family for this to stick.. he needs to love himself enough to take the first step. I can see he wants to keep taking baby steps , but I just pray he will be diligent enough, disciplined enough.... to keep taking them and stay "clean".
I have stopped trying to fix him and I do believe he feels it. I also realize I have been doing this with others in my life... trying to always make evrything right and mostly at my expense.... I have a lot more free time and peace of mind when I focus on LIVING! I have lost a whole 4.5 lbs and it is something I am doing for me.. my H has no idea I joined Weight Watchers. I am proud of me!
also yeah his "friends" are real classy..... but that subject I am so done with. We have established that they have no reason to enter my home now. He may not like this..... or that.... or the.... "NEW ME" and actually I have a hard time being this HARD all the time, but I must. I also have noticed that when I am " tough" with him he seems to be gentler more loving with me... does this make sense? He stayed home all weekend except for when he left for a few hours in the afternoon.... so his babysteps are good. I also told him I was proud of him for not drinking all weekened and he smiled real big and gave me a hug. Instead of beer he had Frosted Flakes and Bananas...
It seems to me like he feels he doesnt deserve to be JUST HAPPY and CONTENT.... he has been doing this for years when we get close to being just content he has to F**k it up somehow. Last nite he received a phone call from and old boss in South Dakota.... that can he go there... he thought @ it for 5 minutes and he called him back and said " NO".
I was shocked.... I didnt show it but I was nervous he would go and then just forget @ stopping drinking .... and I thought he would be so eager to just get up and leave. Like he used to.... even the way I used to be it would have just been easier to let him go work far away,, so I dont have to "work" SO HARD.
He surprised me... inside I jumped for joy but I did not show him I was elated he decided to stay.
IS THAT WRONG?
SORRY , I AM BABBLING A LOT.... I feel hopeful,, I just need to stay on track with TOUGH LOVE.
~Thanks COG!!! And thank you to everyone for all your help and your advice... Love and God bless.... ~Ali
