Get me on a smoother ride........Need Advice

[Dr LOve]

Hey Sue,

No two sitches are alike. Now the whip cream would work for me. Heck just a night away with just my wife and I would work for me. But it may or may not work with Your H. What happens is try something if it does not work try something else. Knowing that your husband likes his ego stroked is good. But you can't keep stroking it the same way. I had a sister in law in my first marriage that would always do something hurt full. She would apologize and then do something again. After awhile the apologies meant nothing. Maybe you need to find a new way to "stroke his ego" You are taking good care of yourself and looking hot when ever you guy are together that is a good start. I think this night out at the wedding is a good opportunity for you. Look good and maybe instead of saying something like "you look good tonight" wait until the wedding and spot some good looking woman in the crowd and say something like "I need to stay close to you tonight that blond over there keeps checking you out" These are just my thoughts they may help may not. Husband

[RedHeadWife]

Do some 180's in your sex life, etc. Start doing things that may be a little out of your comfort zone. That's what I did once things started getting rekindled w/ my H and he's still around. He finally "figured it out." You need to let him see that he could lose you also.

I wouldn't confront him about the EA right now. I would try to just get things a little more exciting, etc. between the two of you. Start being a bit different in different areas, like I said in your sex life would be one. Show him that he doesn't want to lose you, that you are the woman he wants. Sometimes M gets a bit mundane and an EA is just a little excitement. Spice things up w/ the 2 of you before it goes any further.

[SueS]

Good morning-

Husband & Cadesmom......again.....thanks so much for the replies. I'd love to know what your threads are so I can get on & start supporting you too.

Last night was good. H got home from work on time & made dinner. He's the cook in our house. I hung out in the kitchen while he cooked and just talked to him.....about work, our D, a concert that we want to go to, the wedding this weekend...etc. I casually mentioned to H how I wanted to buy new glasses & how a friend of mine had given me a gift cert. for hightlights...that she couldn't use. It was nice. After dinner I did a few things around the house while he played a board game with our D. He is a great dad. I got our D in bed (thankfully she's now going to bed by herself, so there's not that tension of me spending hours trying to get her to sleep or her fighting us to stay up). We have this futon mattress on the floor in our den & he was laying on it. He'd been talking about how tired he was and how he probably wasn't going to go work out. Bonus again, because that's when he usually talks to OW. I asked him if he wanted me to rub his back. He said....if you want to. Of course I did!! As I was rubbing it, he fell asleep. I finished picking up the house. I tried to wake him up and tell him to go to bed. He said he'd be there soon. I woke up about 2:00 am and he was up on the computer. I got up and got a drink of water & didn't say anything to him. Right after I got back into bed, he got in too. He tossed & turned. I asked him what was wrong. He just said.....after I woke up on the futon, I just can't get back to sleep. Eventually he laid back down. He didn't hug his side of the bed this time, actually he laid closer to me. It was a chilly night (rain) so I put my arm around him. He didn't turn or pull away. He eventually laid on his back & let me rub his chest until I had to get up for work. Cadesmom......I would have taken more advantage of the situation, but for us ladies.....that has to wait a few days. Sorry if that's TMI for Husband.

So, it was a nice night. A positive day. No calls that I could see from OW.....for 2 days/nights now. He could have deleted the calls, but I'd like to think that they didn't talk. It's a happier thought. Let's hope that this keeps going. He'll be home at 9:30 tonight, so this could be a night that he works out and talks to her on the phone while he's at the gym. If so, that's fine. I've decided not to say anything about it. I'm just going to keep working on me.

Thanks for listening!!

[SueS]

Question for everyone.........

Is it possible that my H would be "mad" at first that I'm not the unhappy, depressed person he would expect when he's not acting himself? Is this the part where people say it takes a while for them to believe that the change is/has actually happened?

....emailed H today with some questions. I know he's been busy, but I just got a quick response to one of the questions. Hey....let's think positive......at least I got a response!!

Maybe a walk tonight would do me and my little D some good.

[SueS]

I didn't get a response to my question, so I'm going to post it again......your thoughts??

Question for everyone.........

Is it possible that my H would be "mad" at first that I'm not the unhappy, depressed person he would expect when he's not acting himself? Is this the part where people say it takes the Spouse a while for them to believe that the change in me is/has actually happened?

....emailed H today with some questions. I know he's been busy, but I just got a quick response to one of the questions. Hey....let's think positive......at least I got a response!!

Maybe a walk tonight would do me and my little D some good.

I did get out for the walk with my little one. It started to rain. It was fun though because she's 3 & we were both laughing and running trying to get home!

Very little communication from H yesterday. He called yesterday morning from home to tell me something, but once work started, there was almost nothing. He called from work last night and barely said two words. I know he's been busy, but some acknowledgement would be nice. He said he'd call back, but never did. He didn't even ask to talk to our D. I wanted to stay awake for when he got home, but I passed out. I did hear him come in, but then he left to work out. One thing was that he typically waits until about 11:00 to go work out so he can call OW. She works until 11:30 pm. Last night he went right away....at about 9:45. Again, I wanted to stay awake to see what time he got home from his workout. I feel back asleep.....just drained. I didn't see any calls to/from OW again yesterday. And again, he let me get close to him and snuggle with him last night. I got up this morning & walked/jogged. Not as far as I wanted, but at least I got up.

Some thoughts on what you all think would be great!

We both love Bruce Springsteen & in one of his songs "Lonesome Day", he says....."Thy Kingdom Come, I'm going to find my way....yeah through this loneseome day". I love that song!

[LL44]

I think that's true. Your H is surprised, you are doing the opposite of what he expected and since its new, he is waiting to see if its here to stay. Great job getting out and walking. I wouldn't wait up for him, sleep for you is more important right now. Have a good day.

[SueS]

lwb-

Thanks so much for your response.

Cadesmom & Husband. I've really appreciated your last couple of responses. Can you please give me some thoughts too.

Much appreciated!!

Oh....one of H's friends called me this morning to ask for a favor. I called H & D to see if they were up. He works from 12-9 on Wed. D answered and was very happy. I asked to talk to H so I could ask him a few questions. The phone was on speaker and he said.....what do you want, I'm busy making breakfast. My response....Okay, I'll let you go.....talk to you both later...all with that darned forced smile on my face.

Sues

[LL44]

You go girl!! I very much dislike when the S is the rude one. I want to say "You have no right, now *I* have a right to be rude" Instead I smile or walk away too.

[SueS]

lwb-

I like you!! You just lifted my spirits with your comment.

I just told a friend of mine yesterday.....while fighting back tears.....that what my H is doing is just not fair. I'm not perfect, but darn it, I've done everything he's asked of me.....and more. During those tears, I also said....damn it, if he's going to be this way, all I can do is better myself. I'm closing in on 40 yrs old (Feb). I've started losing weight & want to be ONE HOT MAMA by the time I'm 40. Let's see if he wants anyone other than me then!!

H did call back. I'm not sure if you saw my earlier posts, but we have a wedding to go to on Friday. He called to ask me if I'd take in a sport coat to be cleaned so he could wear it on Friday. Then he told me what he planned on wearing....etc. ME:....Okay, great...I'll get that done for you....sorry, but I have to run.....my boss has me starting a project for him.....talk to you later.

[JAK58]

[/quote]Should I be that happy person who gives little pats, kisses & hugs here and there? I don't want to push him away, but I don't want to stop the affection I give either.[quote]

SueS,

No you should not say anything right now to him in my OP.

you should try being kind not unhappy looking and do little things you know he likes but be be lovingly distant. answer when he talks,but go do things without him be mysterious(i tell you this worked for me). Let him guess what you are doing. Make him wonder if you might be out getting a new life that may not include him.

What you need to do more than anything else is look at you. Is there any thing you can do for you that will make you happy as an individual? I see you have thought about what needed changing again in the M now change what you need to in you, for you.

JAK