Need Help w/Plan B Letter (LRT)

[mkultra]

Oh, I just made a Kirk and Spock analogy on another thread!

By the fog, I mean I can see why there was an affair in my life more clearly now. I blamed it on so many things but those factors really cannot matter to me because I cannot go back and fix it now. What I can do is be prepared for the next trigger and try to remain more in control. Triggers continue to be phone bills, reports from my mother, memories in the house, an email from a friend who knows something, even a short girl at the mall, sadly any TV show that exploits stupid 20somethings and that is almost all of them.

I have gone dark to Plan B so I will have little to no more extra contact with my H. This is in no way meant to punish him. I will continue to agree with what he says unless it contradicts with my Plan B. Plan B is just to protect me and my soul from his ongoing affair. All I told him was I needed to protect my heart and that meant no longer seeing him at my home or at my D's school.

I need to continue to have a safe place and be happy. I need to retain my sense of humor and sense of self. I will not allow the bad triggers to consume me or make me angry. Yes, I get obsessive and lonely but Going Dark is not so bad. I feel much safer now thanwhen I was Acting As If for the past few months. I just started though. The site said it could go on for years!

He is not dead to me, but I also have thought how they say a divorce takes longer to get over than the death of a spouse. The thing is I heard a woman on the radio ask the grief counselor how to deal with the pain of the death of a separated spouse. This poor woman's husband died in a motorcycle accident. They had just reconciled and he was about to move back when he crashed. Well, his OW and roommate was at the funeral so the W felt she could never get over the betrayal. Awful.

I think what would happen if my H died suddenly. I feel I would not even take my kids to the funeral. I feel he could have live an almost pefect sweet kind life barring this last year. His parents and aunts even refuse to talk to him. My family and friends are being nicer to him because I have modelled an Act As If attitude. No more. Now I need support to Go Dark.