My penance...

[mkultra]

Honestly, sometimes I wonder if one spouse is just beating the other spouse to the punch? Maybe it is just vulneralbility and opportunity, cultural norms and disillusionment that lead to one having an affair, maybe there are simultaneous affairs.

Let me explain. My H still claims he has never cheated on anyone his whole life. When he sees me, his eyes well up with tears. I am flabbergasted and apalled by his actions and wonder why he acts as if I betrayed him? Now that he is practically living with someone half his age. Yes, it is deplorable.

Now imagine my connection to my exboyfriend who is currently like therapy for me. I doubt if I will rekindle anything but thank goodness he is single and never got married. Perhaps I feel justified calling him now and making an emotional attachment because I feel cheated by the fact that my H is having a previously secret affair. My exboyfriend says he will take me to our high school reunion and knows my husband is out of the picture. That could be seen as cheating too, but it is a reaction or response to how my H has treated me. Maybe an affair is a response to how I treated him! But my H felt betrayed by me and truly believed our M was over the moment I kicked him out. I know I may be in denial and my TH says I am making excuses for himas though he were my child. I just know my H and I do not his OW but I think they are not actually evil. They seem pretty nice and vulnerable people, selfish and dim, but educated and thoughtful. Sounds crazy I know!