Thanks for the reminder about doing the 180! That's exactly what I was trying to achieve. It's a deep thing I'm working on in many areas, not just a one-shot on special occasions.
Two days ago in a brief phone conversation she asked me when I was going to a foreign country (before the separation I had the opportunity to go for two weeks for my profession; it was a great opportunity, and I love to travel; she is terrified of flying and so there was no chance of her coming). Long story short, I turned down the opportunity back in early June, but didn't tell her because I thought it would come across as insincere. This was at the two week or so point of the separation. I wondered all summer if she would clue in that I was supposed to be gone in early August. She finally asked "When are you going????" I replied that I turned it down, and then followed up with a brief email saying that I did so because going at a time of crisis struck me as an example of misplaced priorities (an issue for me in the past), and a denial of the severity of the current situation. I haven't heard from her about these statements. Maybe she is "processing" them to see what to make of them. I am guessing that whatever else she feels, she is surprised by my decision. The "old" me would have galloped right off.
She has no interest in coming here. Then again, I haven't asked. I have asked her to do a few "fun" things together to try to rebuild a sense of togetherness, but she turned all of them down. I stopped doing this in July. Is asking her to go to wine festival (which we would both love) too much pursuit? Can we have "fun" without talking about the relationship, or do we have to talk about some issues first?
