I'm not OT, but I'll give you my two cents anyway, brotha, because I care a lot about you and your well being. Remind yourself of that as you read.
After reading this last post, I felt that you did some pursuing and even exercised some control (and maybe even acted out of selfishness) which I don't believe was necessary or in your best interest. However, I could be completely wrong.
You brought up the the idea of W NOT introducing the kids to OM anytime soon and not before Xmas, and that he might break W's heart, right? First of all, you did this on your terms, and under the guise of "friendship" and genuine concern for her, which I honestly don't buy whole-heartedly. IMO, you are attempting to control your W's choices because you don't want her to make those specific choices that will hurt you and your chances at reconciliation. Also, you didn't ask W how she feels about any of this. This was all about you, and if I could see that then I'm sure W could too. I could actually see your W going along with things simply to avoid a disagreement, argument, etc. I'm not saying this was her M.O., but I could see the possibility given the circumstances.
Now, what I thought was more pursuing and controlling than anything was that you brought this stuff up on two separate occasions (pre and post Mediation appt). Do you think that W didn't hear you or process your concerns the first time? You also mentioned that you don't really want her to date, and also asked her to not have sex with OM or anyone until after Xmas and see how things are between you two. I can see some good in this, but also see it as pursuing and controlling. Can you? Put yourself in W's shoes and I'll bet you would hear, "Please don't do this, or that, or this, or that," etc. You are attempting to put her in a box with what she can and can't do (or should and shouldn't do).
Now, while you've asked her not to do X, Y, or Z, you asked her if she would be hurt if YOU dated someone. I think that if you expect her to follow through with the things you've asked her to follow through with, it would be somewhat hypocritical for you to begin dating someone. As I mentioned before, you had just told her that you really didn't want her dating. Do you see the problem/hypocrisy with all of this? You also talked about getting a full bed for your apt, and how you could still "nail someone" in a full bed just as well as you could in a queen, plus you "like snuggling anyway."
When put together, what does all of this stuff tell your W? How much respect has she been shown?
Like I said before Heim, I care a lot about you, and this is why I'm giving you my honest two cents here. I feel like you're grasping for what you can because you feel like the rug is getting pulled out from underneath you. I think that maybe less talk (especially regarding your R) is the best thing to do right now. Again, I might be wrong on all of this and I would love to hear from some vets and wise DBers, but I wouldn't be a good DB friend if I sugarcoated my thoughts and/or gave you a pat on the back for doing something that I didn't feel was right in my heart.
If I have hurt you, please exercise the 48 hr rule before responding to me .
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