Fortunately, not all of them had cheated on their wives.... At least, I don't think so???? However, my FIL went and he did (he married the OW!!!). Not a great role model...
I tried not to make too much of a fuss about the trip because it was planned before we had reconciled, and my husband didn't have to pay for it (his father bought the tickets). Also, since it was paid for he was somewhat obligated to go.
I wasn't happy at the time, and the longer he was gone, the angrier I felt. Also, friends supported my anger saying they'd be angry if their husband's had done the same. But looking back now my level of anger seems kind of dramatic. Sure it was not great and it was the type of sitch that could offer poor behavior, but everything comes down to... do I want to keep my family together? It's easy to say "chuck it" but I've lived the reality and that's not easy in any way.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
TL! luv, you are a sight for sore eyes. I prob should tatoo your advice, he's in a pretty bad place, the fact that he didn't come clean with op is also sickening him (he sort of just drop all contact and she thought they might still be a chance) so guilt is killing him, he's lost so much weight is scary, he was slim to begin with.
I guess I have to put the trip on a back seat, there are more pressing issues, we really wanted to see the C, now I have this sickening feeling, cause we are going to face it full force. But guess that's how healing begins, I pray this is a good therapist, we both need it.
Thanks again guys, still crawling my way out of insanity here.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
LOTS of hugs for you sweetie. You have always been very strong and I know you will get thru this.... You are still in my prayers. Love and God bless..~Ali
Went to the new C for him. It's odd how I thought I knew what was happening but apparently didnt', and H wanted me there so I could tell our story: "you tell it better and won't omit things". Made me feel better to air things out, since it was a new C, and not a MC we didn't resolve much, but a few things came out and the C agreed with me on a few things and said some very simple things to H that had him thinking. I did feel much better, he told me he didnt' feel any better (again, C told him a few things that were true that prob he didnt'want to admit) but he wanted to make an appt for first thing next week, so that's good.
We still go back and forth on the trip (I know I know, I should let it go) I agreed on 2 days, he still wants to go for the full trip, but if I'm sorry, he doesn't deserve it, and if he is going to make it my choice there it is :2 days or nothing. So he choose 2 days. We are still having a mini vacation as a family, so, I guess it's a fair agreement.
I can actually eat full meals and sleep all night, thanks to God the anxiety is pretty much gone and I can recall the worst of the A in some sorth of detachment, because now I know that H realizes the A was a horrible mistake and a quick fix and regrets it depply.
I'm still debating about when we should sleep together again (and still then, don't know when I'll be ready (or him) to ML again). Well, so far so good, God is great and I want to trust Him to heal my M and to let my H fight his demons.
Hugs to all, have a great weekend
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I think one thing we don't always consider during piecing is that MLC can last many YEARS. When things get good we sometimes think... whew! it's over. We made it. MLC is over. I know in the past there were times I thought my marriage was on the road to piecing, things would seem good, I was happy and WAP!!! H hit me with something AGAIN out of left field!!! In other words, sometimes MLC really does last longer than we realize. I think them yo-yoing during it is a good sign you have a higher chance of making it through (that's if you can be strong enough... it's definitely a test!).
I do know my husband was in MLC for many years. He really struggled with his ego, aging, identity, problems in the marriage, wondering what he might be missing, etc... It took a looooong time for him to work though this. I do get a feeling he may be over it.. finally. He seems to have a much more mature outlook about the whole thing and his life. There is a difference. However, I'm not counting on that. We may still have more girations. Heck, I may have my own MLC ahead of me. Don't think I don't struggle with some similar issues. Knowing I spent 20 years being "the perfect mom and wife" and wondering where I am. Hopefully I can learn by his mistakes and the things I read here may help me through my own personal challenges so I don't do something stupid.
Anyhow, I'm just saying to hang in there. Hope your day (and weekend!) goes well.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
thanks babes, kids have a sleep over hosted by our sitter, so, for the first in..um ever??? I have the WHOLE night to my self! gasp! it was supposed to be a paren'ts night out, but H works, so......... it's just me, he he, the options! I will not tempt fate and won't go to a club by myself, that' sjust asking for trouble, not much time to ask a girlfriend to hang w/me, so I'll just go to my sis and have her highlight my hair red and thenwill go to the movies and be up 'til whenver the heck I want to.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
