Trudging up hill

[ediemarie]

Well, I'm the daughter of a man that has had 2 affairs (that I know of - he could have had more). My parents are still together, but neither of them are happy. While my father's affairs were happening, I was in high school and college and my parents did the best they could to keep the details away from me. We never had a full blown family discussion about any of it. I have made vague references to my Mom about some things, enough for her to know that I know about OW 1 (OW used to be my dad's business partner and it was pretty obvious stuff was happening). I inadvertently found out about OW 2 from an XBF of mine - and he spoke to me about it, thinking I already knew. I don't know if my mom even knows about OW 2.

Naturally, to discover your parent's infidelity is shocking and even scarring. I was very careful in who I chose to marry - very careful - and made the decision with my heart as much as my head. I didn't want to end up like my Mom and certainly didn't want my H to end up like my Dad. Does anyone believe in self-fulfilling prophecy? Anyway, my H is well aware of my Dad's past behavior because I spoke openly about the pain it has caused me and the importance of faithfulness in marriage. But, as far as I know, my Dad is unaware that I know of any of his misdeeds. Not healthy on any level, but it is what it is, and I got too much goin on at home to worry about it.

Now that the stage is set:
Last night, H decides to through himself a little pity party because several people know about his affair; his boss, his co-workers, the church people, all of our old friends, and our families. His frustration is that noone knows about my Dad's situation and none of us (me and my 2 brothers) are willing to confront my Dad because we all feel it's their relationship and we are not in any position to upset the apple cart. Well I couldn't take his complaining last night. I was so annoyed that I let him have it...yikes. I don't even remember what was said between the two of us. I remember being annoyed because he hasn't quit his job yet, but I didn't bring that up directly. Instead I said I don't even know if we'll be together in 2 months because I don't know if you can get your act together. (Nice, I know.) He said something like, I shouldn't even vent to you about anything and I said, you're right, don't vent to me about how much pain YOUR affair has caused YOU. I don't want to hear it.

Needless to say, he slept on the couch

I wasn't pleased with how the situation unfolded, but at the same time I don't know how to listen to him express his displeasure about this. He wasn't expressing that he never should have the affair. He isn't even upset that people know - he claims to like it better because he has nothing to hide - but what he's upset with is that noone knows about my Dad's affair and everyone knows about his. I'm also getting the impression that he wants me to call my Dad out on it - which is not going to happen! I don't know how to nip this in the bud or the best course of action if it happens again. Do I just listen to him and let him vent - and if so, what do I say to myself while he's doing this so that I can maintain PMA? Or do I say, "While I'm sure this is frustrating for you, I don't feel like it's my place to involve myself in my parents business"? I don't know...thoughts?