WAW filing for D

[dlt1]

Hey Matt! The song was by the Clash...Should I stay or Should I go NOwwwwwwww!!!
Yeah, I backed off reading. Was at the library returnig DR and looked at some coping with D type stuff. Not there yet. just looking at limbo and working on me. Today at C I saw that the ending is possible, a long way down the road. Just not probable. This is due to things outside my control. I am accepting a loss of control on a daily basis. It is liberating. If I can't control it, I find myself worrying less about it. I'm not calculating my next steps.
While I still want to change things I can't control
I am learning to let it go. Rain's detach link helps, as did my C sesh today.
C tells me today: "Do you know how frustrating it is to have two people in MC accepting theior faults, working to better themselves, but one does not relate any to her current R?"
Yeah, I have an idea
But really, it's interesting how close we are to working on R, but aren't doing it.
So, I'm working on setting boundaries with W. I haven't been honest with myself when with W as much as I need to be. Realizing the dif between detaching and giving up. I'm excited and apprehensive. Still worry that W will turn to anger. But, once again, can't control that...only my own PMA. Will be intersting this next week. Looking forward to talking to W tomorrow as she should be on cloud 9, and I will be too b/c of that. Fear she won't call, but acting as if she will be true to her word. I guess I'm 80% sure she will call me.
Hmmmm. what else do I have? Did I mention I'm writing this on the laptop in the living room instead in the cave upsatirs? I'm the smartest person ever, even though I really don't know how I did it
Going to initiate promo convo with the owners tomorrow. Wed shall be a truly great day!!! Looking at a trifecta of wonderful experiences. I can control 2 of the 3. Taking action!
Back to Matt, I will check your thread, have seen some of it, but not all. If you're in the midst of S, read the book. You can use it for yourself if W is not engaged in actively working. Perhaps I'll have greater insight once i catch up. It's nice to know there are others 'lurking' on my sitch. Thanks for checking in. Ice Road Truckers on soon. (I'm in trucking) Now i can watch and post. ( I've had a cell for only a few months, so pardon my excitement about tech that seems normal to many).
Oh, last thouight, C reinforced that W is in a selfish state, not exactly bad, just has to work on her own right now. I'm good with that. And see that time is on my side. Need to be hopeless so to speak, any hope that pops up is a baby step forward from there!

[Handful of Rain]

dlt1, that is great news, you conquered the computer problem, now the Separation one, should be a breeze, LOL. Just a joke.

I guess, though when you think of it, a bad computer is like a WAW, it never does what you want it to, when you want it to. And you have to either learn to how to fix it, or call in a specialist. LOL. Take care.

[dlt1]

I just need to find the reset button on W now...LOL

[dlt1]

BTW Matt, I'm working on getting my body into Delta Force shape! Being a warrior and fighting only the good fight! You shot up my PMA with that one! I'm a Bad A** mf'er. Hoo Ahh!

[dlt1]

So W has yet to call. I was very excited and anxious to hear from her. Nothing R wise, she said she would. I'm sure she will in a few minutes, and I'll be all better. BUt I'm fighting the urge to send a txt "R U going to call?"
I am watching dogs tonight for HER convenience and she can't extend me a courtesy. I am done with this sh*t. I'd ditch the pups if i didn't love them so much. No more watching them though. I will visit and walk them on my time and terms. But will not do it to help her. Screw that and screw her!

[Heimlich]

Fear she won't call, but acting as if she will be true to her word. I guess I'm 80% sure she will call me.

Keep acting as if. And if she doesn't, let it go. Anger isn't going to do you any good. Express and let it go.

BD

[Handful of Rain]

dlt1, My, but that anger is coming out, Good for you, for getting it out here, and not using it when speaking to your W,

And when you do speak to her, about the matter of you watching the pups, Just remember friendly, but firm. I know you'll be OK! Take Care.

[dlt1]

Well, I'll be moving to a new thread in the D section. Txted her, no response. My gut says something is amiss. Decide to stop at house on way home. Yes, I used it as excuse to snoop. I found an open condom wrapper. No splining that one away. Called W and told her we need to talk. She was on way home. (apparently was going to clean up so that I would sleep in the bed she F*@ked someone in the night before. I let her have it and it felt great! Aafter about 15 min I was done. We actually discussed other things. Anyway, need to talk to my roomie. long and short is I will be proceed withD immediately and with no cosideration fro W. It's over, I'm done. Sorry thought I'd post more, but gotta talk to a real person!

[Handful of Rain]

dlt1, My heart goes out to you, I know how I felt when I first found out my W, cheated on me, I wish I could be there for you now. Just take all the time you need, when you feel like you want to talk, I'll be here. Take care.

[dlt1]

Thanks brotha! So disappointed in W. One feeling I never thought I'd feel. She si realyy screwed up in the head. I can not and will not make that my concern. We will probably end up w/ lawyers and/or court to settle things. My F is my lawyer and we are going to talk in depth about my rights and what I can realistically expect to take. Still will be fair, but absolutely and exactly 50%. W has no idea what that means. She really expects to keep more than she will. I want to move on as quickly as possible. If she were to come round and commit to working, I'll consider it at that time. Who knows if I could/would. I am done. Time to get to the next chapter in my life. I think I will move to file in next 2 weeks and propose a settlement to W. We'll see if I decide and how. I said I was holding 5% hope, but honestly had more than that. Now I am clear on the finality of the sitch. My pain is that I still love her. I hate that i do, but i do. No Mas. She has walked all over me. No Mas. I want to get to the point whereI can consider dating. Not tomorrow, just sooner rather than later. I think I'll find closure a bit sooner. Just a huge realization now. trying to take it all in and figure my next step. A new day is upon me. W will realize things one day, not sure what, but that is her deal now.