lwb, yeah, I'm pretty impressed. he went all the way down our street, over 100 revolutions, without me holding onto the seat. I had to run my ass off to keep up with him, too. lol. he was sooo proud of himself. he's normally pretty cautious with stuff like this, and definitely wasn't too sure, but I had told him his friend, ana, got her training wheels off and I think he was determined to do the same. funny, when I told H about it, he told me that he had just asked S5 that morning if he wanted him to take the training wheels off and s5 had said no, definitely not. so either he was more comfortable with me doing it, or maybe he had just had time to be okay with it. either way, yay! he's a little big for the bike, too, but he won't get a new one until his birthday in feb.
as for the e-mail, yeah, I ended up sitting on it. honestly, I just don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said. just trying to stay grounded and remember how little it actually means. I do have this tendency to see what I want to see, not what actually is.
mk, that's pretty much what I'm doing. and yeah, its hard, but in a way, its harder to keep on being friends with someone who I don't want to be friends with...I want something more. so keeping things to kids/business, and having him initiate for the most part, is what I'm going to do. I only say for the most part, btw, because I do call when he has the kids...to talk to the kids. today I did initiate the e-mail, but rarely do otherwise. I just needed to get it out, and I'm still glad I did.
who knows what the future will bring. for all I know, I will end up divorced, but happier than I ever expected to be, in ways I never expected. or maybe, thru some miracle, he really gets what he is losing, and we find a way to reconcile, and end up having a marriage that is better and stronger than we ever had before. I like both of those options...although I still lean toward the latter.
what I don't want is for me to end up divorced and miserable, or for us to reconcile, but never really get past our issues, and never have a good relationship again. those two things are scary as hell to me. really scary. so I need to work on making sure that no matter what happens, I am happy and fulfilled. its all I can do.
yep, the first day of the rest of our lives...may they be long and happy ones!
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
