Yeah it has been rough and is still rough. I have been going at it almost three months now so I am starting to get myself together
Well today was my anniversary, I was off work today, and actually was in pretty good spirits. I took my son and his friend to the outlet mall to go back to school shopping, this boy is remarkable, he is always telling me he loves me, I tell him I love you more, and he will reply that is not possible. This 7 year old truly amazes me.
I will probably take him and his friend to six flags tomorrow, since the summer is almost over.
I put the PB&J and bread in a black portfolio, just like the one I used 9 years ago, and I left it at her door.
she got off work and called me, She asked what I was doing, and we just small talked.
by the sound of her voice something was wrong, I asked what and she said nothing, I told her that I would not judge her or offer advice, but that I jus t want her to know that she can talk to me about anything. Well she never divulged so I switched the topic and had good light hearted conversation.
I could tell that she just wanted to be on the phone with me. Well she came by the house and got my son, we talked for a bit and I pulled something that I had learned.
I told her to give me her hands, she gave them to me and I took them and examined them, then I told her to clasp her hands together.(like the way you do if your praying) then I told her raise her two pointer fingers, (she was very curious at this point). So now her hands are clasped together and her two pointer fingers up. I touched the two fingers and said "do you see how one is a little longer than the other" she said "yeay" I said this finger represents me and the other represents you, this represent me and you and the way god brought us together, we were very close and tight like these two fingers. then I told her to separate the two fingers, she did and I said, "somewhere along the line the devil crept in and separated us, and our lives went into a whirl wind, then I started twirling my finger around her two separated fingers. as I continued to twirl I said "eventually the whirlwind will stop" and I slowed down the twirling then I came to a complete stop and her fingers were back together again, as I said "and we will be together again as god intended us to be from the beginning"
She looked at me and smiled. I gave her a hug and she left.
I mentioned nothing about anniversary or anything.
she called me when she got home, and was smiling over the phone, she said the PB&J was very sweet. she said I went all out by getting the black portfolio.
I said yeah it came from my heart, I said I hope it was not too much. She replied what do you mean. I said "before you told me that if it comes from my heart then it is not too much" she said "yeah" so I said "I hope it wasnt too much because it came from my heart" she said "no its not toot much" she was still very bothered by something, I asked are you sure you don't want to talk about what is bothering you, she said she will be alright.
It seemed as if she wanted to talk for a while but I ended the conversation, I always try to end the conversation first. I said well I hope you have a really good night, she said you too.
I could sit here and analyze what is bothering her but I really have no clue and it is probably not going to do any good for me to worry about it. I will continue to work on myself and making myself a better person and someone that my wife can see herself with in the future.
if anyone has read my previous thread that I linked to, could you please offer some input on where you think I am at in the game, have I made progress, or am I still headed for disaster. I know it is alot of reading and it is on a different board but any adivce would be so appreciated thanks.
