I think it begins with how we understand 'power.' The masculine is the power of the physical world, a disciplined control of mind/body/spirit.
The feminine is the power of the emotional world, a disciplined surrender of the mind/body/spirit.
Those two worlds in balance, to me, create harmony. We all have male/female aspects. What energy we choose to develop varies from person to person. When these energies become disproportionate, especially opposite gender energy, it creates confusion, sorrow, strife and loneliness.
I have a very strong male aspect, and given my childhood, and misunderstanding/disrespect of the feminine, I rejected all things feminine, and worked very hard to develop my masculine. In so doing, I threw myself even further out of balance.
I think what initially brought my attention to what I had done to myself (and had been done to me), thus throwing me into an imbalance, was having children, and the natural instincts that kick in for a women with that experience. It was incredibly painful for me, for the intimacy that exists between a mother and child was almost more than I could bear.
That imbalance within me created all kinds of problems in my relationships, too, for I was constantly fighting for 'alpha' position, and then when I got it... I lost respect for the man who gave it up. I had all kinds of experience in fighting and competing. I had no understanding whatsoever what it meant to surrender... and that the act of surrendering takes as much faith and courage, and strength of will, as it does to fight.
The power of surrendering is not an act of 'concession,' nor is it even a form of passive resistance (i.e, I'll back off now so I can live to fight another day). The act of surrendering is a very keen understanding and awareness of synergy; release of ego; loss of physical control, and having the presence and courage to withstand the ride. The mental/emotional/physical/spiritual experiences I have in accepting my natural feminine--that makes me smile--can dam near bring my bf to his knees; the same way that things inherently masculine--that I am just not equipped to handle--would bring me to my knees. Doesn't mean I can't do those things, because I have. But in doing one, I always feel out of balance, I feel as though I am always struggling or resisting something -- but doing the other, just comes... naturally... if I allow it (scared me at first), and it... works... things click... I'm at ease. One way of being makes me feel as though I'm working against the current; the other way of being makes me feel as though I am going with the current.
And it is EASY to spot people who do this, both men and women.
That does not mean my life is absent of stress or struggles; I just approach those stresses and struggles in a much more... feminine... way. It doesn't mean I don't have anxiety, or feel self-doubt... I do.
And Xue, you are right. The power of the feminine can undo the masculine, and it is a very sad sight to see, at least to me, when a woman knowingly abuses her power. I'll bet anything you all know of at least one woman who does this or who has done this.
I think I'm blathering...
But Xue... your wife is not embracing her feminine in the face of your masculine... and it could very well be she just doesn't know how. It is very scary for her. She will probably, at times, create drama just so she 'knows what to do.'
