I know I respond better to it than I do to 'negative or authoritarian feedback.' If I get no feedback at all, either positive or negative, I'll probably lose interest.
I also think it important to understand the feeling behind the compliment or positive feedback. Some people use it to manipulate; others use it to communicate effectively; still others use it to connect in a meaningful way.
When I go into the hair salon to get my hair done, my hair dresser just gushes over me. I think that is part of his job; I don't necessarily put stock into what he thinks of my looks, my clothes, etc. I do put stock in what he thinks about hair styles that are best for me.
I don't think much of the women complimenting me in the department stores; they want to sell me clothing. I don't even put much stock in what my bf thinks of me in my clothes, because if **I** don't like what I have on, if I don't feel good in it, his compliment is not going to make up for my lack of confidence. I have one outfit I really like that he doesn't. Not his taste. I still like it, I like how I feel in it, and if he doesn't like it, it's not my problem.
If I put something on, I'm feeling great in it, and he compliments me, you betcha, I smile, big. Makes me feel good. I'll own it. But my self-worth isn't shattered if a compliment is NOT forthcoming.
If I am trying on clothes, and I like something, I will ask his opinion, if he's with me. He gives me an honest opinion because he considers such things objectively. I take his feedback under consideration. His compliment may or may not come later...
If I am around negative feedback too much, it is repellent to me, and I just don't want to be around it. Period. I don't know too many people who do.
So to me, differentiation is not being above positive feedback, or even enjoying it... it's the awareness one has of it, and how it affects one's sense of self, how one lets that color future expectations and outcomes, etc.
I hope I am never above getting a compliment, I just hope I never LIVE for them.
