There and Back, #2

[SallyM]

thanks, all. yeah, jack, you are right. that is exactly what he wants right now. I do think there is a part of him that is confused...or maybe it just comes down to the fact that he loves him self so much, he can't quite come to terms with the reality of what he's done...its hard to come to terms that you are a great guy (in his mind) and also that you abandoned your wife/children. by keeping me hanging on/making nothing permanent, it must allow part of him to feel like all is not said and done. truthfully, he has been decent in a lot of ways (namely money, but also with the kids).

I have thought long and hard about answering that e-mail, and i think I've decided not to. there isn't really a question there that hasn't been addressed already. I could ask him the things my3sons suggests, but honestly, I have already asked all of them. he doesn't know the answers...mostly because he doesn't do any internal work with his therapy, he's too busy blaming other people still.

I need to just remember, he is the puppetmaster (as many of you have pointed out, he is really good at turning things back on me/assigning blame/taking responsibility off of his shoulders).

agent99, to answer your question about him being confused before I said I was done, no, I think he truly feels like he was confused prior to me saying that. he has never left the state of confusion. the thing is, me saying I am done compells him to action...it stops him from assuming all is fine with how things are going. does that make sense? really, he just refuses to verbalize his choices, he refuses to admit he has made them, even though it is obvious to me and to everyone that he has made them. what I need to work on is reading the writing on the wall, listen to what he is saying/see what he is doing, not grasp at the straws he throws at me.

when the bomb first hit and I started therapy, my therapist (or was it deb, can't remember) made a good point. H loves to dangle carrots at me...and I love to try to grab them, to believe that I will really get them someday, that I have a chance. but, as my therapist (or friend) pointed out, he isn't even dangling real carrots, just sh#t wrapped in orange.

I need to stop grasping. I need to move on, GAL, respect myself again. I need to stop acting like a doormat.

I will be friendly, but distant to him. my telling him why I need that distance is probably a good thing, at least it feels like it is. I am not a game player, never have been, and sometimes with all of this I feel like I am playing too much of a game. I don't have to lay everything out on the table, but at the same time, letting him know that I need to distance myself and the reason why is an honest place to be. I can GAL, I can do my 180s, I can learn to like myself again. if he decides that distance isn't what he wants, well, he's going to have to step up in order to end it.

guessing he won't, but hey, the fat lady isn't even warmed up yet.


eta, wilmasoon, just saw your post and omg, you had me laugh at the evil comment. not sure if you are familiar with my threads, but I swear my h blames me for everything....everything wrong with the world, I swear, is my doing. global warmning? yep, me. national debt? me again! and yeah, he does firmly believe it. if I told you how our first couple of mc went you wouldn't believe me. in fact, looking back, I kind of wish I had them on video.