Puddle very insightful and Heimilich I think you may be right but I think I don't care. What I think has gotten to me is realizing that while I need to continue to change, more on that in a minute, and I allowed way too much, she has no desire to do anything but play games. About a year and half ago we were living in a relatives basement saving for a down on a house, we had just finished school. We were so close to a good down payment and she left me then, she spent a huge chunk of money is a few days and then got an apartment. It basically killed our house idea until well, 3 months ago now. So what I'm saying is I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't think she is stable and I'm sick of getting walked on and enabling her to do it.
Which gets to me, talking to a friend today online he mentioned that him and another really never noticed this until now, but they said I seem to be a lot more like the guy I was in college. They said they never really noticed the change, but now looking back I let her walk all over me in the M. I've always been a very generous person, with my time and money, to family and friends. But I have also been a go getter and very decisive, I took charge of things and ran with it, and while she says I was controlling and I was, I really let her get away with too much. So no more, I'm calling her on her crap and she can't do it, at least with me anymore.
It is rather telling when her sister, a year apart, they are glued at hip, usually flying to see each other twice a month, has not been here since this started and told my W that she is making a mistake. Those two are thick as thieves and to not stand together seems really odd.
And she called again, to see if my plans changed for tonight. I told her no, and she said she figured that she entertained her dad for 5 days and needs some time alone, she just thought I would give it to her. Not so nice, but I told her it wasn't my problem that she needed time alone and that if she wanted to change the schedule a little more advance notice would be appreciated and I could accomodate her. Then she asked if we could talk tonight and I said no as well, reiterated that I had plans and that if she would like some of my time she may call and set up a time.
She is screaming for attention, but I just don't care. She got really down when I ended the call with, "You have the divorce papers right? Ya. Good, don't forget to bring them by tonight when you pick S up." I can tell she is back stepping now that I'm pushing forward. That is too bad, it would be nice if we could work as a team, side by side.
I've made a choice and hate to be hard nosed about it but I'm doing nothing unless I get a full committment, which I won't. Other then that it is D time and I do need to get the doc out on a date.
Sorry just rambling and don't really have anything to say. I'm sort of looking forward to closing this out and moving on. I'm excited at the prospect of being in control of my time. I did have a major hit to the gut this afternoon, friends sent pics of them and new baby. I sat there and looked at his poor wife with the weight gain still, hair all over and thought women are such gorgeous things and I remembered when my W was there and how I felt and how much I loved her. Well live and learn.
